Kids are being taken from ‘non-affirming’ parents: 1 family’s fight to get their son back

John was out shopping for his youngest son’s birthday in July 2021 when he received a panicked call from his wife. A state child welfare worker and police officers were at their home, trying to take away their autistic son. The social worker claimed the Christian family’s refusal to affirm his apparently newfound sexual orientation was child abuse.

John raced home in time to record a video of the harrowing encounter.

“I’m going to take the child with me,” Edwina Nimley, a casework specialist for the Maryland Department of Human Services, can be heard saying in a video of the incident reviewed by the Daily Caller News Foundation.

Though the boy refused to go with her, Nimley tried again. “You’re afraid of me? You have nothing to be afraid of. The police is here but you have to go. This is the law,” Nimley said in the recording. “I need to talk to you separately from your parents. I need to take him to a safe place, separate from your parents.”

John’s son, who was 16 at the time, remained with his parents that July day, but John’s battle for custody of his son was far from over.

At the time of the social worker’s visit, John Doe II and Jane Doe — who asked to remain anonymous to protect their privacy — lived with their children in Prince George’s County, Maryland, where the local child welfare department had adopted a radical transgender affirmation program that views Christian parents who don’t “affirm” their child’s transgender or homosexual identify as unsafe and harmful.

John told the Daily Caller News Foundation that he and his wife were accused of abuse surrounding their son’s apparent LGBT identity, an allegation that shocked the family who had never seen evidence of their son expressing an alternative sexual orientation. In fact, about a month after Nimley’s police-escorted visit, John said he and his wife received a letter saying the child welfare case was closed.

But less than six months later, John and Jane would lose custody of their son after refusing to affirm him as a transgender girl during a stay at Children’s National Hospital.

“It sounds like a movie. It really does,” John told the DCNF.

African-American, devout Christian and military veteran parents John and Jane have had their family life turned upside down and find themselves pitted against state officials dead set on removing kids from so-called “non-affirming” parents and a legal system seemingly aimed at punishing Christian families.

The DCNF used interviews, legal documents and public records requests to piece together how an “affirming” child welfare system worked against John and Jane’s religious freedoms and parental rights, while inflicting emotional and psychological trauma from having their eldest son taken from them.

‘Non-Affirming’
In 2017, Prince George’s County Department of Social Services (PGCDSS) became one of the first child welfare programs in the country with an AFFIRM unit, a program that rejects a male-female understanding of sex and instead teaches social workers, children, and families to proactively “affirm,” meaning to validate, support, and embrace gender ideology.

PGCDSS described the program in their August 2019 newsletter writing, “AFFIRM works with young people in the foster care system whose families have trouble accepting their sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression or who experience bullying in school or other forms of abuse. The program gives youth coping skills and teaches parents and caregivers how to validate and support their children’s LGBTQ identities and experience.”

Under a $10 million federal research grant, the county devised social services interventions that aimed to “overhaul” child welfare systems and developed programs which train parents, caregivers, and staff to be affirming of LGBTQ youth. Their research and programs have served as a nationwide model and are being recommended federally by the Biden-Harris administration.

Today we highlight our AFFIRM unit, The AFFIRM program at PGCDSS gives LGBT+ youth and their families the support and resources necessary to help youth improve their coping skills and provide peer support. #PGCDSS #PRIDE #AFFIRM #PromoteUnity #PromoteUnderstanding pic.twitter.com/xlwDXEnXDw

— Prince George’s County Dept. of Social Services (@PGCDSS) June 8, 2023

‘A Bad Feeling’
On June 3, 2021, John’s son — who will be referred to as John III to protect his privacy — had a counseling session at a nonprofit community center that is LGBTQ “affirming.”

The following day on June 4, 2021, the Doe family had their first encounter with the Maryland child welfare system when Nimley showed up at their home, alleging the family may have been abusive in their treatment of John III’s supposed LGBTQ orientation. The allegations bewildered the family as they had never seen evidence of their son expressing an alternative sexual identity.

“When she (Nimley) showed up at the house, my wife thought she had the wrong address,” John told the DCNF.

The parents, who were living in Prince George’s County at the time, say they still do not know who first reported them to Maryland’s Child Protective Services (CPS) division and opened a child welfare case on their family. The allegations of abuse and neglect, which they would later be cleared of, where in regards to their alleged rejection of their son’s LGBTQ orientation.

Maryland law states that within 24 hours of receiving a report of suspected physical or sexual abuse of a child and within 5 days after receiving a report of suspected neglect or mental injury of a child, local child welfare agencies shall conduct an on-site interview with the child and their caregiver to determine if the environment is safe. The agency has up to 60 days to conduct a further safety investigation. The Maryland Department of Human Services provides interventions through 24 local departments of social services, such as the Prince George’s County Department of social services.

John told the DCNF that Nimley reached out a few weeks later and asked for another meeting to complete the investigation. Despite having “a bad feeling about it,” the parents met with Nimley and her supervisor at their home on July 28, 2021.

After the family allowed Nimley’s supervisor to perform a safety assessment, the child welfare workers left their home. Later that day, Nimley unexpectedly returned with several police officers and an emergency order to remove their son, alleging their home was unsafe.

Their son refused to go with Nimley and remained in the care of John and Jane, as seen in the previously referenced recording. However, the family’s nightmare with the Maryland child welfare system was just beginning.

The DCNF made multiple attempts to contact Nimley and did not receive a response.

The Maryland Department of Human Services told the DCNF in a statement that the Department of Human Services “May remove a child before a judicial proceeding only for a temporary period due to an alleged ‘serious, immediate danger’ to the child. The matter must still be presented to the court.”

Lose Your Religion
Following the recommendation of their sons counselor on November 9, 2021, John and Jane took John III to Children’s National Hospital for help following a suicide attempt. It was the last day their son would ever be in their care.

Weeks before the suicide attempt, John III had been diagnosed with autism.

At the time, John told the DCNF he did not realize Children’s National Hospital had a Gender and Autism Program for autistic and neurodivergent youth — a population that is overrepresented among gender distressed adolescents.

The executive director of the program, Dr. John Strange, is a co-author of the World Professional Association of Transgender Health’s (WPATH) clinical guidance that recommends gender-distressed children receive sex-change drugs and surgeries.

At the hospital, John and Jane were informed by staff for the first time of their son’s alleged gender dysphoria and told they must affirm his new female gender identity, according to a lawsuit filed by the parents against Children’s National. The lawsuit states that the Christian couple hold “traditional family values consistent with their evangelical Protestant faith” and would not affirm their son as a female, despite the hospital’s demands.

“They didn’t like the fact that we wouldn’t go along with what they were recommending,” John told the DCNF of the hospital’s reaction.

Children’s National Hospital filed a series of emergency holds preventing John III from leaving the facility and demanded the parents treat him as a girl, initiate sex-change interventions, and “convert to the ‘new Christianity’ by engaging in faith-conversion sessions” with the hospital’s non-binary, transgender chaplain, Lavender Kelly, according to the lawsuit.

John told the DCNF they were asked to stop reading certain passages of the Bible that affirm traditional sexual values and gender.

“We are Bible believers and you are telling me I can’t talk about Adam and Eve? Abraham and Sarah? The Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit? Essentially I can’t read my Bible,” John Doe II told the DCNF.

During a family meeting at the hospital, John told the DCNF that he and his wife were told to use their son’s “chosen” female name and new pronouns. When a gender distressed child chooses to identify as a different sex, they often choose a new name and refer to their birth name as their “dead name.”

The lawsuit describes the emotional pain John felt upon hearing a Children’s National Hospital staff member refer to his son’s name as his “dead name.”

“I share the same name with both my father and my son, and she spoke death over it. I was devastated to hear those words come out of her mouth. I followed up by asking. ‘What is a dead name?’ She barked, ‘It’s her legal name.’ This told me that she used the dead name terminology to hurt me. And she did just that,” the lawsuit describes.

John told the DCNF that when the parents tried to transfer their son to another facility, the request was blocked by child welfare services. He also stated that Children’s National Hospital and Prince George’s County Department of Social Services had sent the court a letter outlining accusations of neglect against him and his wife, with the recommendation that John III not be returned to their care. The DCNF was unable to obtain a copy of the letter.

Before leaving the hospital, John III’s case was brought before a family division magistrate in the Circuit Court for Prince George’s County, where John II told the DCNF he was asked if he’d use his son’s new “chosen” name and new pronouns.

“And I said ‘no.’ And that was all [the magistrate] needed to hear,” he told the DCNF.

The magistrate ruled against the parents and on Dec. 20, 2021, their teenage son left Children’s National Hospital and entered the Maryland Foster Care System, according to the lawsuit.

The plaintiffs voluntarily dismissed the lawsuit, but have appealed a ruling that sealed the case in the Fourth Circuit. The parents also filed human-rights complaints against Children’s National Hospital with the District of Columbia Office of Human Rights.

Children’s National Hospital denied involvement in John’s custody battle in a statement to the DCNF.

“Children’s National prioritizes patient privacy and will not comment on specific patient care provided, but we can confirm that Children’s National followed the law and all actions mandated by law for this patient. Healthcare providers are required by law to report to the appropriate child protective services agency when any minor they know in their professional capacity has been or is in immediate danger of being abused or is a neglected child,” stated the hospital.

“Children’s National plays no role in the administration of the foster care system. All custody decisions are made by court order based on the result of an investigation by the appropriate child protective services agency. As in this case, Children’s National follows the law and mandates regarding custody decisions from the court and state child protective service agencies. The hospital cannot speak to the choices former patients make as legal adults. Children’s National Hospital is a family-centric facility committed to fostering a welcoming environment and to providing a high-level of care for all children and their families. It is a privilege to serve our patients and their families, and we will always prioritize their care above all.”

#pridemonth @PGCDSS! Here’s a photo from Rainbow Day . Staff demonstrated their support for the LGBTQ community. pic.twitter.com/JQS4ONs7Qs

— Prince George’s County Dept. of Social Services (@PGCDSS) June 14, 2019

Parents On Trial
John and Jane soon found themselves fighting for their son in the Prince George’s County family court system.

John told the DCNF they were brought before the same magistrate judge as part of a Children in Need of Assistance (CINA) case, a family court proceeding in Maryland meant to determine safe, permanent placements for children who have been abused or neglected by their parents or guardians, as well as children with a mental disorder or developmental disability. According to the state of Maryland, CINA cases involve social workers, a County attorney, and separate legal representation for the child and the parents.

The magistrate judge ruled against John and Jane and the case was then sent to a higher court. John told the DCNF that at that point, the Child Protective Services attorney for Prince George’s County pulled out of the case, saying there was no evidence of abuse.

“The CPS attorney gave one of the greatest closing arguments in our favor as parents that I had ever heard,” John said in an interview.

During this court proceeding it was discovered that John III had again attempted suicide while in the care of his “affirming” foster mother, who is referred to as Miss Jane Doe in the parents’ lawsuit.

The lawsuit describes that under the guardianship of Miss Jane Doe, a single woman with a criminal record of assault, John III began posting sexually provocative photos online and underwent frequent sexually-transmitted disease testing. It also states that in September 2022, John and Jane filed an 8-page CPS complaint in the Prince George’s County Department of Social Services Child-Abuse Reporting Division against their son’s court-appointed guardian.

When Miss Jane Doe died “suddenly and without explanation,” John III was not returned to his parents but was instead sent outside of Prince George’s County to live with Children’s National Hospitals’ non-binary chaplain, Lavender Kelley, according to the lawsuit.

In August 2023, John and Jane were cleared from the accusations of abuse and neglect. The DCNF reviewed a copy of a legal document that states the Prince George’s County Child Welfare agency “ruled out” their previous allegations, which according to Maryland law means the reported the abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse did not occur.

“The judge essentially said there was no abuse and no neglect on our behalf. She cleared us,” John told the DCNF.

However, despite clearing the allegations the judge ruled John III had a “mental disorder” and would remain in the Maryland foster system, according to the legal documents.

John and Jane Doe were cleared from the allegations that caused child welfare services to remove their son, but their son was not returned to their care.

“It seems like family court is allowed to throw the Constitution in the trash,” John told the DCNF. “They trampled on all of our parental rights.”

Taxpayer Funding Helped Weaponize Child Welfare Systems Against Traditional Parents
In 2016, a 10-million-dollar grant was awarded to the University of Maryland School of Social Work that funded the creation of the cumbersomely-titled National Quality Improvement Center on Tailored Services, Placement Stability, and Permanency for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and Two-Spirit Children and Youth (QIC-LGBTQ2S) in Foster Care from the Children’s Bureau, an agency within the federal Department of Health and Human Services. This research group aspired to create the tools needed for an LGBTQ-affirming transformation of child welfare systems nationwide.

Prince George’s County Department of Social Services was one of four social services agencies nationwide chosen to implement, develop and evaluate the LGBTQ-affirming child welfare interventions under the grant.

Several of the interventions devised by the QIC-LGBTQ2S group suggest that parents and caregivers who do not affirm a child’s sexual orientation or gender confusion are unsafe. These interventions included trainings to help convince parents to embrace their child’s gender confusion and assist religious families in reconciling their faith with LGBTQ affirmation. The interventions can now be found on the National SOGIE Center website.

Ways parents can be LGBTQ “affirming” includes using preferred pronouns, taking children to LGBTQ events, and supporting their desired sex-change. “Rejecting” behaviors of “non-affirming” parents can include not allowing a child to participate in LGBT support groups, using religion to reject a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity, and refusing to use a child’s chosen name or pronouns. Some activists believe “rejecting” behaviors correlate to a higher risk of serious health problems, such as suicide and depression.

The DCNF has written an in-depth report on the QIC-LGBTQ2S research interventions.

Marlene Matarese and Angela Weeks, who are principal investigators of the QIC-LGBTQ2S, did not respond to multiple requests for comment from the DCNF.

Prince George County’s Work With Taxpayer-Funded Trans Group And Human Rights Campaign
Funded by the federal grant, Prince George’s County worked with both the QIC-LGBTQ2S research group and the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), a LGBTQ activist group that strongly supports child sex changes. The county served as a research site for the AFFIRM Youth, AFFIRM Caregiver, and the Human Rights Campaign’s All Children – All Families (ACAF) programs.

The HRC’s All Children – All Families Program offers child welfare agencies materials and trainings to create an LGBTQ-affirming agency. The program offers a series of free online training webinars for child welfare agencies such as “Stories of Life Beyond Binary Gender,” “Promising Practices with Trans & Non-Binary Parents,” and “Supporting Trans & Gender-Expansive Youth.”

For years, PGCDSS worked very closely with the HRC, as described by Alison Delpercio, former director of the All Children-All Families program, in a 2019 article.

“For years now, the HRC Foundation’s All Children – All Families program has worked side-by-side with Prince George’s County Department of Social Services as the department implements LGBTQ-inclusive policies and practices,” Delpercio told The Prince George’s Sentinel at the time. “This partnership deepened when the department became an implementation site for the Quality Improvement Center for LGBTQ2S youth in foster care.”

In 2019, the HRC posted a video on social media highlighting the partnership between PGCDSS and HRC. The video features Gloria Brown Burnett, who became the director of Prince George’s County social services department in 2009.

“What we have found is that many children come into foster care because their families are unable and unwilling to accept who they are,” Brown Burnett said in the video. “We are hopeful that what we’re doing will transform the delivery of child welfare services to our LGBTQ youth.”

Brown Burnett is currently the deputy secretary of operations for the Maryland Department of Human Services.

Many LGBTQ youth enter care after having experienced family rejection because they are LGBTQ.

Find out more about agencies like @PGCDSS that are leading the way in welcoming and affirming LGBTQ youth & parents from HRC Foundation’s All Children – All Families. #ACAF2019 pic.twitter.com/1d0zrgSz2a

— HRC (@HRC) June 29, 2019

Lauren Wethers-Coggins was the AFFIRM Youth and Family Specialist for Prince George’s County and is currently their AFFIRM program coordinator. She was also a co-author of the Youth AFFIRM Implementation Guide published through the QIC-LGBTQ2S funded research.

Wethers-Coggins described the principles of the AFFIRM programs in a webinar recorded in 2021 for the HRC All Children – All Families Program. She explained how the program teaches caregivers to “actively challenge homophobic, bi-phonic, and transphobic beliefs.”

“Caregivers are given the space to learn, reflect and grow. So they learn more about what it means to be an affirmative caregiver to an LGBTQ youth,” said Wethers-Coggins.

“The whole purpose of affirmative caregiving is to work to counter those negative impacts of anti-LGBTQ trauma, to build affirming connections, rebuild affirming connections. It teaches caregivers to use affirming language, to actively challenge homophobic, bi-phobic, transphobic beliefs and to model LGBTQ affirming behaviors to their young people.”

The Prince George’s County AFFIRM program has garnered national praise, winning a National Association of Counties Achievement Award and was prominently featured in the 2019 Human Rights Campaign All Children – All families report.

In 2023, PGCDSS was one of only six public child welfare agencies nationwide to be given the “Innovative Inclusion” title by the Human Rights Campaign, the highest tier of recognition.

In a June 2023 Facebook Post, county social services wrote: “Through the AFFIRM Program, [the county] has had the privilege of participating in the nation’s first federally-funded work in designing, implementing and evaluating evidence-based programs aimed at improving outcomes for foster youth with diverse sexual orientations, gender identities or expressions, and their families.”

“This work continues to grow as the program expands its impact to reach even more youth and families within the Prince George’s County community,” the post stated.

The Human Rights Campaign, Lauren Wethers-Coggins, Gloria Brown Burnett, and the Prince George’s County Department of Social Services did not respond to the DCNF’s requests for comment.

The Maryland Department of Human Services (DHS) told the DCNF in a statement that Maryland’s DHS and the Prince George’s County Department of Social Services “Do not have any current contracts or fiscal agreements with the Human Rights Campaign or the QIC (QIC-LGBTQ2S).”

‘This Work Continues To Grow’
It’s been almost three years since John’s family lost their son after refusing to affirm him as a girl. During that time, the transformation of Maryland’s child welfare system has grown.

On Nov. 15, 2023, Maryland Gov. Wes Moore signed a statewide policy requiring child welfare agencies to provide affirming care to LGBTQ youth. The policy links to the QIC-LGBTQ2S interventions and HRC All Children – All Families program labeling them as “additional LGBTQIA2S+ youth and families resources.”

The Maryland Department of Human Services told the DCNF that the AFFIRM program implemented in Prince George’s County Department of Social Services has not been implemented statewide.

On April 30, 2024, the Biden-Harris administration finalized a similar policy requiring child welfare agencies to be LGBTQ affirming. Public records revealed that behind-the-scenes, QIC-LGBTQ2S researchers huddled with the Biden-Harris administration to help inform the policy. After one meeting, a QIC-LGBTQ2S researcher wrote in an email to an HHS senior advisor: “This is life saving work and we are grateful that this administration is so thoughtfully considering how to imbed [sic] it in policy.”

As the “life saving work” of transforming the child welfare system “continues to grow,” it’s likely more parents will face the unthinkable circumstances of John and Jane.

To cope with the trauma, the couple sought counseling for themselves and their two young sons.

John and Jane’s lawsuit described their emotional distress as “[s]o severe that ‘no reasonable man’ could be expected to endure it.”

“Sleep disturbances, nightmares, loss of appetite, inability to concentrate, anxiety, and other conditions arising from the theft of their child,” reads the lawsuit.

The family has had to spend tens of thousands of dollars fighting the allegations of the child welfare system and the financial strain forced them to sell their business. But the financial losses are incomparable to their greatest loss: the loss of their son.

This story originally was published by the Daily Caller News Foundation.

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