The most boring column you’ll ever read

Fair warning, the following column will be very boring. That’s because I’m about to relate what a dull life we have.

The inspiration for this week’s column came from an article I saw a few years ago entitled “What does ‘living fully’ mean? Welcome to the age of pseudo-profound nonsense.”

The premise of the article is the quest for meaningful existence. “You’ve seen them before, because they are all over Instagram,” it begins. “The captions urging you to embrace your expansion, whatever that means, slow down to savor the moment, and hustle like you’re Beyoncé – all at once. ‘Start visualizing what you want, then say no to anything that isn’t it,’ reads one. Another: ‘Buy the plane ticket, quit the job, plan the trip, wander into the unknown, open your heart, take the leap.'”

The article continues: “This #inspiration strategy works because humans are wired to want significance and meaning. But what does ‘living fully’ really mean in the age of Instagram, when anyone can wear matching yoga pants as they stand, arms outstretched and back to the camera, soaking in whatever scenic background they’ve found that day?”

I confess I was amused when I read this. Does anyone actually believe these people have nonstop excitement? How do they pay for it, if all they’re doing is endlessly adventuring instead of holding down a job?

A young woman named Madi Richardson became disillusioned by all the evidence of high living among her peer group. “Right after high school, Richardson was following a plethora of people her age on Instagram, including some with significant followings. ‘The photos I saw of them were on vacations,’ she explains. ‘Living, I guess, what seemed like everything but worry or negative emotions.’ With every scroll, Richardson saw glorious summers packed full with local music festivals and scenic hikes, usually with inspirational quotes peppered in between. Soon, doubt started to creep in. Were her peers living a better, more exciting life than she was? Although she didn’t post those kinds of photos herself, she says: ‘There was jealousy and feelings of guilt because I didn’t go on a vacation every other weekend, or go scuba diving, jump out of a plane, or camp in the wilderness all summer.'”

Good news, Madi: You don’t have to jump out of a plane or have unending vacations to live a full and satisfying life – and there’s nothing “pseudo-profound” about it either.

My boring husband and I have been boringly married for more than 34 boring years now. We live on a boring homestead farm, with two boringly successful now-grown daughters and a boringly happy and satisfying life. The end.

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Conspicuously missing from our lives is angst and drama and emotional turmoil. We’ve never divorced, run afoul of the law, become addicted to drugs, or other complications. Neither have we engaged in endless foreign travel, had death-defying sports adventures, or pitted ourselves against the wilderness for months on end.

You see, we’ve never sought an “exciting” life. When we left the city in 1993 and moved rural, we merely sought a life of quiet self-sufficiency. Ironically, because of that choice, we’ve had more adventures over the years (chasing escaped cows comes to mind) than if we’d stayed suburban. Yawn.

I’m the first person to admit I’m not up on the latest technology. I’ve never used Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit, Pinterest, nor the zillions of other social media options out there to broadcast how exciting, action-packed and thrilling our lives are.

But this week I canned up 24 quarts of blueberries from our own bushes. My husband built a woodshed to house our winter firewood supply.

Yawn, you say? While we were busy picking blueberries or roofing a shed, you were jumping out of airplanes or scaling a rock face? Wow. Good for you.

Our modern connected world offers unprecedented opportunities to engage in astounding undertakings where we can document our exploits and create envy among our cohorts. After all, who wouldn’t want to be snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef or scaling Yosemite’s Half Dome? These people are having FUN, by golly, and don’t your lives look boring by comparison?

But what if someone prefers a quiet life to an adventurous life? The article quotes Dr. Erin Vogel, a social psychologist who explores the influence technology has on our lives and well-being: “Social media seems to define ‘living fully’ as being adventurous, spontaneous and extroverted. For people who are fulfilled by a quieter life, social media seems to tell them that they’re living life the wrong way.”

Vogel explains “what most social media users know to be true: when using social media, users often compare their lives with others. In reality, even your most adventurous friend probably has some lackluster experiences or boring evenings spent watching Netflix.”

The bottom line for this “living fully” pseudo-profound mumbo-jumbo is its empty, meaningless nonsense. “This is why inspirational quotes often don’t make any sense,” a behavioral scientist explained. “Typically, it gets spread because it has some sort of intuitive or emotional appeal.”

Essentially, it’s the Instagram version of fake news.

While I applaud travel and adventure – we all need fun and excitement once in a while – what I wonder is how those living Instagram lives manage to handle the mundane, boring side of things? Unless they’re constantly stimulated by nonstop experiences, how do these adventurers handle marriage, child-raising, jobs? You know … stability? Real life?

One time, a neighbor took a photo of a rainbow landing on our house. When I jokingly asked where the pot of gold was, a friend replied, “Where’s the pot of gold? You’re living in it. You’ve just gotten used to the everlasting glow around you.”

Wow. I liked that.

In the frantic quest for meaningful existence, these Instagram adventurers may be overlooking the most exciting adventure of all: a solid happy marriage; a humble-but-satisfying profession; a faith to carry them through good times and bad; stable well-adjusted children; and, toward the end of life, a belief in something better to come.

Frankly, folks, that’s the least-boring recipe for life I can imagine.