The Shame Of Abortion Nearly Buried Me

Shame will bury you, burden you, and lead you nowhere. For years, abortion buried me in shame and regret, but through healing and faith I discovered the power to reclaim my life and help others do the same. It took years of soul-searching, brokenness, and ultimately my surrender to faith to learn I wasn’t alone in this journey — that healing was not only possible but was available to me all along.

At just six-years-old, I witnessed shame for the first time when my pregnant teenage sister stood before our church confessing her sins. That moment was traumatic — not only for her but for me, too. From that point on, I lived in fear of “one sin” ruining my entire world. That fear clung to me as I grew older until I had to face my own decisions. Witnessing my sister’s experience didn’t stop me from sinning, though, it just made me want to hide it. So I did.

Raised by Christian parents, attending church, and reading the Bible, I knew the difference between right and wrong. With that knowledge came the pressure to impress my parents and my church community. I had to be the leader: the first to finish high school, go to college and graduate – all without becoming a teen mom. Looking back, it seemed more important for me not to get pregnant than it did to excel in school because of the proliferation of teen pregnancy within my family.

“Just don’t get pregnant,” I was told. And yet, I did.

So, at 17-years-old, I found myself Googling “low-cost abortion near me.”

I had no idea abortion was going to be a long-lasting regret in my heart. At the time, I thought nothing could be worse than feeling rejected by my own family and watching my dreams go down the drain.

After my first abortion appointment, I was left shattered by physical pain and emotional regret, but I kept smiling through it all, pretending nothing was wrong. I thought it would be a quick fix,—it wasn’t. Walking out of the clinic, I felt numb and broken in ways I could not explain. The weight of my decision sank into my soul with each passing day as I tried my best to carry on as if nothing had happened.

Abortion is so ugly. It kills, steals, and destroys many parts of you, not just your baby. I began having suicidal thoughts, consumed by bitterness, grief, and fear. No one prepares you for the suffering from abortion.

From that moment on, I spiraled downward, using abortion as my birth-control method of choice. Hiding one sin with another, I continued covering up my shame until one day, I decided to share my secret.

When I was 23, an argument with my parents resulted in an outburst of tears. Even though I feared they’d hate me, I confessed everything to them, including the fact that I’d had three abortions. To my surprise, they hugged me, opening the door to a healing I didn’t realize I so desperately needed — and had been rejecting.

Even though my parents told me they’d help me get counseling, none of us knew where to start or that post-abortive counseling existed. So I went on to have two more abortions. That’s when I realized: I needed a deeper change in my heart.

It wasn’t until I was brutally honest with God, crying out for help, that I stopped. I needed Him to pull me out of this cycle of death. I turned to Him, and He saved me. In that vulnerable moment, I felt a presence like never before. For the first time, I believed God’s love could reach me and my shame, and that changed everything.

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One night at a church in my hometown, I found a small red wristband with the word LIFE on it. Curious, I researched the website on the inside of the wristband and contacted the organization to get involved. At this point, I didn’t even know what the terms “pro-choice” or “pro-life” meant, but I knew I had to make a change in my life. I had to stop ignoring the truth and begin denying my sinful heart.

I decided to stand with the pro-life organization in front of the abortion clinic and protest in prayer for the millions of lives taken by abortion. I felt so unworthy and shameful to even stand and pray for such a cause, but Jesus didn’t just call me worthy, He took me a step further.

The woman leading the prayer protest invited me to her summer small group created to heal post-abortive women. Hearing this for the first time, I had no idea that such a topic was being discussed in the church. That summer, a small red wristband led me to Surrendering the Secret, the post-abortion 8-week Bible study. It was the most life-altering time of my life, and a moment I’ll never forget! Jesus met me in my darkness and rescued me from years of shame.

Between 2008 and 2017 I had five abortions. I spent most of my 20s chained by my shame. But now, thanks to the grace of God, I’ve been set free. I am no longer walking in shame but in the light and truth of God’s promises.

As I continued my healing, I began sharing my story online in hopes of reaching post-abortive women in need, but also hoping to stop women from making the same mistakes I made. As a result, I have seen a flood of girls just like me share their stories, and I have even seen babies saved, abortion appointments canceled, and lives transformed.

Recently, I had the privilege of working with Live Action on a groundbreaking 8-part video series called Face to Face. This powerful project brought together former abortionists, former abortion industry workers, abortion survivors, and post-abortive women for raw, eye-opening conversations that the world has never seen.

This series isn’t just another conversation about abortion. Face to Face is a direct, unfiltered look at the human cost of abortion, told by those who lived through it from both sides. Sharing my story and coming face to face with a former abortionist was another step in my healing process. It was an intense, raw confrontation with the reality of my past, but it also solidified my calling to stand in the gap for other women who, like me, are searching for a way out of their pain.

I am confident God has called me to help all women, but especially those like me: young, black women who are confused, scared, and full of shame. It’s time for us to step out of the darkness and into the light.

Shame no longer has a place in my life. Now, my life is full – with two baby boys and another on the way.

If you are suffering from the effects of a past abortion, let that burden go, and turn to God. You won’t regret it. I encourage you to seek out the support that’s waiting for you—whether through a local church, a post-abortive group, or simply reaching out to a trusted friend or mentor. There is hope, and you do not have to carry this burden alone.

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Gigi Davis is a social media influencer who works with Live Action and is the mother of three boys.

The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.