Want to homeschool? Read this first

My road to becoming a homeschooling mother was weird. I loved public school. After college, I taught at the high school I graduated from, and I was deeply involved in school life.

Josh and I got married and had our first son five years into my education career, and in my mind, he would just go to public school. I imagined that he would love learning and books as much as Josh and I had. If you’re a parent, you’re probably laughing right now.

Do not try to recreate public school at home! It does not take eight hours a day of desk work to educate your child. Most states only require a few hours of instruction every day.

As we approached school age, I knew in my gut that I wanted my children to be educated at home. After we made the commitment to homeschool, I am sure that the people who knew me at the time thought that either I had been brainwashed or I was going insane.

You may be feeling the call too and asking yourself, “Now what?”

While my former profession does help in some regards, do not feel like you need to run out and get an education degree to teach your child. You don’t. Here’s what you do need to know to get started, though.

How do I homeschool without going to jail?

First things first: legal stuff. You must know what the laws are in your state, both to comply with the law and so you’ll know when someone is asking more of you than is legally required.

That sounds intimidating, but you have help. The Home School Legal Defense Association is an invaluable resource, and it offers a simplified, state-by-state breakdown of homeschooling laws. Pay close attention to details and deadlines. You cannot be too careful in this area.

In many states, your only option is to register as a homeschooling family with your local school board, and you will be responsible for supplying whatever documentation the school board requires, including curriculum choices, medical records, and grades.

Here in Tennessee, we have an option called an “umbrella school.” You register your child with the umbrella school just as you would with a private school, but most umbrella schools don’t offer any classes. Instead, for a nominal annual fee, the umbrella school helps you handle the paperwork. We go through Aaron Academy (Taylor Swift is an alumna). Another option in Tennessee is the Farm School.

Look for similar options in your state, as they’re well worth the money. We pay Aaron Academy $80 per year, and the only paperwork we have to submit is grades at the end of every semester.

How do I choose a curriculum?

After legally registering with your state, then you have to choose the curriculum you’ll use to teach your children. Coming from the public school side of the fence, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how many curriculum options there are in the world. I was so wrong. Prepare for overload, as there are thousands of curriculum options.

Cathy Duffy is an invaluable source of information about various curriculum options, and I would have been lost without this in the early days of our homeschool journey.

Some of the most popular homeschool curricula:

• Abeka
• ACE
• Bob Jones
• The Good and the Beautiful
• Master Books
• Memoria
• Saxon Math
• Sonlight

Many of these are Christian-themed since most homeschoolers are Christian. While we’re Christians, we don’t use these — we follow a road less traveled. We’ll discuss that in a future post. But secular curricula aren’t difficult to find.

The upside is that you can hand-select the curriculum for each subject to meet your child’s needs. Be aware that some states are particular about curricula, so again, dig into the details. Thankfully, neither the state of Tennessee nor Aaron Academy care much about what curricula we use, so we’re free to choose what we want.

The downside is that you can waste a lot of money on an expensive curriculum only to discover that your child doesn’t respond to it at all. For example, we did Saxon math for three months when our son was in first grade. He hated it, so we switched to Singapore math.

Many homeschoolers have this problem, which is why curriculum fairs exist. Homeschoolers meet up to buy, sell, and trade curricula. They’re a great option to browse, preview, and buy at a discount, if money is tight or you want to sample a few things before settling on what works best.

This, to me, is one of the most incredible parts of homeschooling. I can change what I need to when I need to. If you try a curriculum and don’t like it, as long as it’s not a no-no with your state, ditch it and try again.

How do I fill up a school day?

Do not try to recreate public school at home! It does not take eight hours a day of desk work to educate your child. Most states only require a few hours of instruction every day.

Yes, we sit down and do formal lessons almost every day. But learning also happens all the time in organic ways. Going to the grocery store, for example, is a math lesson, a reading lesson, and sometimes a sociology lesson all in one.

But my kids won’t be socialized!

We hear this all the time from skeptical friends, family members, and online lurkers, but it’s nonsense. My kids go everywhere with me. They’re learning how to interact with everyone in the world — all ages and types. This is also the appropriate response to the questions about “socialization” that your grandmother will inevitably ask.

In fact, I argue that homeschooled children get better socialization than kids in public school. Children in public schools spend their entire day around ... other kids. Who would you rather be rubbing off on your kids: other kids or mature adults?

Not to brag, but everywhere we go, we get compliments on how well-behaved our children are. That always takes my husband and me by surprise because we don’t see them as particularly well-behaved. Part of that is that we enforce standards with our kids, but the other part is that they’re around adults much more than children, so they tend to act more like adults than kids.

Will my homeschool kids get to play with other kids AND how do I teach things I don’t know?

Thankfully, both of these questions have the same answer.

You don’t have to do it all. Look for classes to outsource what you can’t do at home. I cannot draw a straight line with a ruler, so we drive once a week for an art class at a museum. I can teach my kids piano and a few other instruments, but I can’t give them the experience of singing in a choir at home. We are a homeschool family, but we aren’t the von Trapps.

This is where homeschool co-ops — often called “tutorials” — come into play.

Once a week, I take the kids to a school run and operated by the parents of the children who attend. It is held at a large church, so there is a lot of space for different activities. The kids get choir, physical education, a literature class that I wish I could be a student in because the teacher is so creative, and a science class taught by a former engineer.

Homeschool co-ops are a great way to make friends, but they vary in cost and availability, so seek out what’s in your budget and available in your area. Ours costs about $80 per month per child — cheap for a private school — and I offset that cost by teaching a theater class.

Social media is a great way to connect with other folks in your area who are already plugged into the network and can give you more information on what’s out there to fill the gaps. If these types of things just aren’t a possibility for your family, YouTube also has a ton of educational materials and lessons. One great example is John Muir Laws’ drawing lessons, which are absolutely phenomenal for older children and parents too.

What about sports?

Sports are one of the reasons why I hear parents say they won’t pull their kids from traditional school, even if they would like to. Depending on where you are, some states allow homeschooled children to participate in public school sports.

Sometimes, individual districts are free to decide if homeschoolers can try out for the local public school sports teams.

Our homeschool co-op offers team sports: boys’ basketball, girls’ volleyball, and soccer for both sexes. The teams compete against other co-ops and a few private schools. It works much like public school team sports.

There are also recreational leagues and travel teams that can take the place of a traditional school team — if you have the time for them. Our oldest son plays Little League baseball but has also dabbled in recreational league soccer and Junior Pro basketball. In the spring, he’s taking horseback riding lessons, and after Little League is over, he’s taking taekwondo. He has no lack of sports options.

One kid at our homeschool co-op received a full baseball scholarship to college, and he only played travel baseball. If sports are important to your child, there are ways to make it happen.

Also big in the homeschool world are conventions where homeschooled kids meet up for various competitions in academics, arts, and athletics. Our oldest recently attended his first junior convention, where he competed in:

• 100-yard dash
• Basketball
• Choir
• Chess
• Photography
• Soccer kick

He also could have competed in metalworking, woodworking, poetry, recitation, and a host of other things.

Thanks to homeschooling and overall resourcefulness, we’re able to give our children the sort of well-rounded education usually available only to the wealthy.

Where do I go for help?

You need a mentor to guide you and help you avoid burnout.

Find people near you with experience who are willing to let you pick their brains and let you ask all the ultra-specific questions you will inevitably have. The umbrella school we use, Aaron Academy, has a whole room full of fairy godmothers who are always able to answer my questions.

Check social media for parent meetings in your area. Find a support network for you and for your family. Make friends with other homeschool families in your area.

Having a group of people who understand the life you’re living and can offer an ear or help you celebrate a win is vital to your mental health. Because your non-homeschool friends and family often won’t know how (or even want) to support you.

There are also lots of ways to connect online. One of my favorite Facebook groups is called Mere Motherhood — it’s a group of mothers who ask questions, get support with issues, and laugh at the silly things our kids do. It’s wonderful and one of the only reasons I still have a Facebook account.

A version of this essay first appeared on the Unprepared.life.