Presbyterian church to tase anyone who raises hands during worship

FORKSVILLE, PA — As part of a new hardline stance being taken to start the new year, a local Presbyterian church announced that starting this Sunday, tasers will be used against anyone who raises their hands during worship.

The deacon board of Grace Presbyterian Church said the decision was made to enforce the “no hand-raising” policy more forcefully in the coming year after reports throughout 2024 indicated that congregants were not taking it seriously. Church leaders believe tasers are the solution.

“Disobedience and rebelliousness come with a price,” said Pastor Fred Barnes. “We’re starting the new year fresh, but people attending our services had better be warned: the days of tolerating any wild and unrestrained hand-raising on the Lord’s Day are over. If you want to perpetrate such a sinful act as putting your hands in the air while worshiping, then you best get ready to ride the lightning.”