Rebuilding Society Begins at Home

A fact of the human condition is that we are flawed and broken. We can often hurt those we love the most. We can often focus on things that don’t mean as much as family. In order to break ourselves out of this cycle, we must move from selfishness to sacrifice—as individuals and as families.

In 1986, Pope John Paul II spoke to the people of Australia. His message centered on the importance of the family for the health of the globe. His words revolved around citations from the Bible, but the message he conveyed was grounded in common sense and human reason: We learn about the most important insights about life from our parents. 

Early in his message, the pope said: “As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the whole world in which we live.”

A Gallup survey from 2024 titled “The Quality of Parent-Child Relationships in U.S. Families” provides more details about the status of family life in America. The results give key insights into the impact of marriage on children as well as the impact that parents have on the lives of their kids.

First, it is clear that a married couple that commits to the growth of their relationship will reach a more fulfilling relationship with their children as well.

“Parents who report a high-quality relationship with their spouse,” reported Gallup, “are much more likely to report an excellent relationship with their child compared with parents who report a lower-quality spousal or coparent relationship (67% versus 50%).”

Marriage is the fundamental human institution. This is the case, not only because it is the bond that produces new life, but because it is the bond that is meant to mirror the unfathomable love of God. For this reason, Christian marriage is a covenant. It cannot be broken because God’s love can never be broken. When children experience and witness the fidelity of their parents it creates a home where they know that they will receive love, even when they need correction.

Unfortunately, our world today tends to forget the impact of husband and wife, father and mother on their children and on the entire community of one’s country. According to Bowling Green University, “There were 2,315,440 marriages and 989,518 divorces (in 2022), both of which are increases from the counts from 2021 (2,052,806 and 948,862 respectively).” For every 2.34 marriages, there was one divorce.

Remaining married truly depends on the value one places on their spouse. Studies show that “the odds of a stable marriage increase when a spouse is committed, protective, religious and romantic.” Two of the critical characteristics for a fulfilling marriage—commitment and religious—have deep ties to the moral life. 

John Paul’s words in Australia in 1986 appear to be prophetic. “With regard to the family,” he said, “society urgently needs to recover an awareness of the primacy of moral values, which are the values of the human person as such, thus recapturing the ultimate meaning of life and its fundamental values.” Whether the topic is divorce, fidelity to one’s spouse, the way a parent prioritizes work over family or the unreflective manner in which children are placed in front of screens, there must be a return to asking ourselves: Is doing this action right or wrong? Will it benefit my marriage or my relationship with my child to do this or that action?

It is clear that the love of the married couple impacts children. However, how can parents be better at being present to their children and making their parent-child relationships a priority?

A 2023 Pew Research Study provided statistics on the experience and mindset of parents. Roughly 62% of parents state that being a parent is harder than they expected with 29% reporting that being a parent is “stressful all or most of the time.” However, only 30% claimed that being a parent was the most important part of who they are as a person today. While it is a large part of their life it does not define them.

It appears that parents believe that their role as mom and dad is difficult. Particularly, they use the word “stressful” to describe their time with their children. As a dad of three children under the age of five-years-old, I have found that the times when I experience being “stressed” by my own kids is due to my own selfishness and not the needs of my children.

While there are immense time constraints on parents with young children, their dependence on their mom and dad is both a fact of life and love. Kids need their parents for the basic necessities of survival, but they also need their parents’ attention so they experience that they are seen, known, and loved.

When parents choose doomscrolling over being present to their children, that instills a mindset in the child that the parent would rather be doing something else than spending time with them. When work becomes everything and parents consistently miss dinner or important moments in the life of their children, that contributes to the cyclical choice to love work over the most important relationships in their lives.

Truly, it is clear that flourishing marriages and outstanding relationships between parent and child will only come about through the sacrifice of one’s time, attention, and love for the people we know mean the world to us. If we follow down the path of giving ourselves rather than clinging to our own desires, we will create a world that knows that love is not a feeling but a choice to act for another person’s good over our own good. Then, and only then, will society be rebuilt and renewed into a culture of faith and family.

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