Suffering From the Christian Perspective

I married Joanna on Sept. 14, 2019. In our short marriage, we have been blessed with three children (Benedict, Gabriel, and Abigail). We have experienced the peaks of our love in the joyful and simple moments of life. However, we have also experienced the paradox of love in the shadows of suffering.  

Sept. 14 was also the Catholic feast of the Exaltation of the Cross. The celebration is meant to urge followers of Christ to cling to the crosses of their lives as a way to literally become like Jesus. As a lifelong Catholic and theology teacher, I have known this spiritual truth for years. It was only over the past month or so that I finally began to experience it in a concrete and transformative manner. It revolved around one specific event. 

On Aug. 25, Joanna needed brain surgery. Over the summer, doctors discovered a cyst wrapped around her pituitary gland and optic nerve. It was giving her headaches, tingling, and eye pain. The night we were told about her condition has been ironed in my memory. She went to the emergency room with her mom, and I stayed home with the three kids. She called hours later and told me, crying, “They found something in my head, they found something … ” 

When I was finally able to go see her, after putting the kids to bed and praying constantly for her, I hugged her as we both cried. In that emergency room, behind the curtain and amid the noise of doctors, nurses, and patients—the cross was there. On the day of her surgery, in our fear about the outcome and the ability to remove the entire cyst—the cross was there. In Joanna’s slow and painful ongoing recovery—the cross is there.  

Christians believe that the cross of Christ is both a lighthouse and a conduit. It shines the way for who we are meant to be. For this reason, Jesus said, “Whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:38). Sacrifice and suffering make us God-like. That does not mean that evil is a good thing. It simply means that pain and suffering is never the end of the story. God can work a greater good from evil occurring than if the evil never happened.  

That is what we mean by saying that suffering is a conduit. It unleashes intimacy and it breeds true love. I would never have understood this on my wedding day six years ago. I came to learn it watching Joanna suffer with trust and faith. I came to see the presence of God with us as we slowly journeyed through her return to normalcy. Her suffering was the pathway for me to discover a better perspective about life.  

I saw myself becoming less stressed about the small things (traffic, waiting in line for hospital coffee, finances, the annoyances of others, etc.). All I knew was that my wife just had brain surgery and that this past June I was not even sure if she had a life-threatening illness or if we would grow old together. The school of suffering that we endured (and continue to travel through as she fully recovers) has brought us closer together and has granted us a better vision for how to be parents and go about our daily responsibilities. 

On Aug. 27, the third day of our hospital lifestyle post-operation, Pope Leo XIV spoke words that echoed the approach of Christians toward suffering. He said the following words in his weekly General Audience: “This is what true hope consists of: not in trying to avoid pain, but in believing that even in the heart of the most unjust suffering, the seed of new life is hidden.” 

The paradox of suffering is that it can bring new life. For our anniversary this year, this is what we believe our recent experience of the cross has granted us. It is the reason why the Church and Christ ask us to exalt and lift our crosses. They are not reasons to doubt God’s existence and love, but opportunities to see that He is always faithful, ever-present, and able to conquer all things.  

So, what is your cross? Today, cling to it. Love through it and sacrifice for others who are enduring their own suffering. Doing so will reveal an unexpected truth about suffering: It is never the end. In fact, it is the soil that grows a hope and love that knows no end.  

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