Unearthed: Excerpt from Joe Biden’s memoirs

For crying out loud, give the guy a break. For the first time in his half century of political service to the country he loves, serving the people he loves and defending the democracy he loves, he tells a teeny weeny lie. Well, and it might not really even qualify as a lie. It could be categorized as a fib.

When Joe Biden said he would not pardon his son Hunter if he were convicted of crimes, he probably meant it. He was planning on the corrupt justice system to take care of his son and him, just like it was covering up the corruption of other Washington magnates that surround his regime. You know, it’s all part of how public service works in the D.C. Swamp now. The idea is you work for relatively low salaries and make up for it in other ways … smirk, smirk.

Actually, Joe’s fib was nothing on the level of the lie in The Garden. When the serpent talked to Adam and Eve about eating the forbidden fruit, he said, “Surely you will not die.” That lie has made you and me toast, as well as every other human being.

As Joe would say, “Come on, Jack, my fib is not going to cost anyone’s life.” Right now, this is how President Biden tries one last time to get even with the Washington mob. He’s just getting what is his according to D.C. Swamp ethics. His corrupt millions are probably peanuts compared to billions lost “defending democracy and freedom” everywhere.
Do you really think that Hunter decided in 2014 that it was time to fulfill his life-long dream of working for a Ukrainian energy company? Come on, Jack.

Here’s an excerpt from the upcoming Joe Biden memoir found by my research team. This is Joe’s recollection of that cherished moment when Hunter said to him:

“Listen, dear father, I cannot tell a lie. The truth is that it is my life’s desire to fulfill the dream of my life. I wish to seek an opportunity to labor for the Burisma Energy Co. and drill for oil and other mineral riches in Ukraine. My request of you is to compose a letter that would recommend me and my skills to work and serve in Ukraine. Would you write me a recommendation for the job with Burisma? Perhaps you could solicit the assistance of President Obama. A recommendation from him would be of great assistance.”

“Why, certainly my dear son. I would be delighted and proud to assist you in your quest to help the people of Ukraine. With your expertise in geology and engineering, I think you’re qualified for a position in management, though there is great honor in hard labor, too.

“In fact, you may not know this, but my great-great-great-grandfather Dymytro from Ukraine invented the TV. He was so smart that he went right by inventing the radio on to the TV. Unfortunately, he ended up in a kettle as cannibal stew.

“The Biden family came from Ukraine, and I was raised in a Ukrainian neighborhood where I had an affectionate nickname, Dumbkoff. Where my Ukrainian boyhood friends ever came up with that, I’ll never know.”

“Indeed, my father, I will do my best to build Ukraine to make it a shining light of bright hope, honor, peace, prosperity and the fulfillment of human aspirations. And I pledge that every dime I make will be returned to the people of Ukraine to better their lives and defend democracy. It will be my small and humble contribution to the universal dream of freedom.

“And speaking of pledges, father dear, I will recite to you the pledge of allegiance of Ukraine and later the entire Ukrainian Constitution, which I have memorized. Together we can Make Ukraine Great.”

OK , that’s enough. I made up all that memoir nonsense. It’s not from anybody’s memoir. It’s a sort of lie/fib thingy. Fiction. Let’s just call it a Biden. It was all just pretend, just like the Biden presidency.