HHS Explores Link Between The Amish And Smooth Skin And Wavy Hair

Flanked by Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and other leaders of the free world, President Trump announced on Tuesday a new investigation into a potential link between a popular pain medication and autism.

During the briefing, the president pointed out that the Amish are a good example of a people with essentially no autism.

What’s so special about the Amish? That’s easy: clean living and a high tolerance for pain. Plus, the Amish have never even heard of acetaminophen.

Underneath those broad-brimmed straw hats, plain shirts, and suspenders, however, lies a rugged, hard-working people with smooth skin and wavy hair. Amish men may have rough hands from doing rough work, but their muscular upper arms are notoriously smooth. World famous.

And who doesn’t want to be like the Amish?

Thanks to Jeremy’s Hair & Body Bundle, your hair and skin can also look and feel like the Amish.

Check out Jeremy’s Charcoal Body Wash, Shampoo, and Conditioner with Tea Tree, Argan Oil, & Peppermint. Your hair will feel soft, and your soul refreshed.

So when the leftists shout at you about toxic masculinity while you walk back to your rig in the Bass Pro parking lot, just remember there’s nothing toxic about using Jeremy’s Hair & Body Bundle. There’s also nothing toxic about living like the Amish either: home-grown meat and potatoes all the way.

Jeremy’s bath and body products are all about freedom, just like you. They’re paraben-free, sulfate-free, and even woke-free.

Former guest host of The Oprah Winfrey Show and current Administrator for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, Dr. Mehmet Oz, also had something to say about taking acetaminophen.

“Make sure there’s an important reason to take it. Don’t take it willy-nilly,” said Dr. Oz.

Francis Chung/Politico/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Dr. Oz, of course, does not have to tell the Amish not to do anything willy-nilly. The “Plain People” are among the most disciplined subcultures on the continent. Have you ever seen a willy-nilly Amish barn? We didn’t think so.

The president ended the briefing by telling the crowd that acetaminophen does cause harm.

To which Big Pharma quickly responded by saying, “Does not.”

To which Trump replied, saying, “Does too.”

Big Pharma: “Does not.”

Trump: “Does too.”

Big Pharma: “Does not.”

Trump: “Does too.”

The exchange went on for so long that the Legacy Media were forced to turn off their cameras and break for dinner before an agreement could be reached. Thankfully, the Amish in attendance had already prepared a hearty spread of meat and potatoes for all to enjoy.

The good news is, when it comes to quality shampoos and lotions that are good for your skin, you don’t have to wait for government officials to agree. 

Jeremy’s has the products that will make your skin and hair feel great again.