Andrew Cathy gave NBC the Chick-fil-A apology tour nobody asked for

Chick-fil-A is living a lie by being closed on Sunday.

And let me cut you nicer-than-God folks off at the pass if you have a problem with that, because CEO Andrew Cathy is the one begging for approval from the pagans at NBC News, not me.

The more I ponder this, the more certain I am that Andrew Cathy’s performance might be the most pathetic interview I have seen all year that doesn’t include Candace, Tucker, or Talarico.

Last year, Chick-fil-A rang up nearly $24 billion in U.S. sales, up 5.2% from 2024. So times are neither hard nor getting harder, and Cathy isn’t in the difficult position of having to eat a journalist’s trash sandwich to save people’s jobs. The breadlines aren’t filling up with former peddlers of delicious chicken sandwiches and waffle fries. The lights are staying on at Casa del Cathy.

So what gives? I thought I was watching a replay from 2012 when I saw Cathy getting cross-examined last week by NBC’s “Today" illuminati. Why would Chick-fil-A’s chief possibly care what those gaslighters think about him in the year of our Lord 2026? Was this a throwback to Mitt Romney’s “not part of my campaign” dodge during the original Chick-fil-A fight? It is election season, after all. Time to replay some classics.

But no. This was Andrew Cathy, apparently having learned nothing from the humiliation rituals his father, Dan, endured almost a decade and a half ago. Since then, much of the cultural right has rejected Romney’s awkward and fake moral preening in favor of Trump’s mean tweets and actual results. Yet Andrew still squealed. Even R. Lee Ermey’s drill instructor in “Full Metal Jacket” might be at a loss for words before such willful weakness.

How does Cathy not understand that we don’t have to do this any more? Unless he actually prefers the world’s feckless and flaccid approval to God’s. Whatever the case, can I get the name of Chick-fil-A’s PR firm so I can make sure nobody I know in the Christian conservative space ever hires it? Thanks.

Nobody asked for this. No crisis required it. Chick-fil-A voluntarily showed up on “Today” to be hazed by people who have hated the company for years.

A wise man once asked what good it does to gain the whole world but lose your soul. But if you aren’t living by what you hear at church on Sunday, you may as well open the chicken store for an extra day and sling some product! You aren’t going to embarrass yourself for free, are you?

I mean, you grew by only 5.2% last year. Maybe a robust 6% or 7% could have spared you the Soviet-style struggle session. But at a measly 5.2%, you’ve probably got to hedge your bets when you hear that “Did God really say?” whisper in your ear.

RELATED: Outrage ensues after Christian Chick-fil-A CEO invites LGBTQ+ activists to try CFA's delicious chicken sandwiches

Allen J. Schaben/Los Angeles Times/Getty Images

My goodness. The more I ponder this, the more certain I am that Andrew Cathy’s performance might be the most pathetic interview I have seen all year that doesn’t include Candace, Tucker, or Talarico. I’m offended by it. I’m angry at it. I’m saddened by it.

It is the stuff of existential loserdom: a very comfortable “Christian” “man” going to the spirit of the age for repentance and absolution. That is blasphemy. That is an abomination. And since the salvation Cathy seeks from his enemies will never be granted, it is also just plain stupid.

Times really are hard for some of Chick-fil-A’s regular customers, but not for Cathy. And yet he signed up for this emasculation anyway.

What a waste of a platform. What a waste of a testimony.

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