‘Practical Magic 2’ Delivers Pure Sentimental Slop

Tattooed professor Ian Wright steadies Sally Owens, placing his palm on her chest in the hopes of releasing her true magic. “May I?” he says in a devastatingly British accent. Sally rolls her eyes. “Love this,” Gillian Owens excitedly stage-whispers, getting a laugh. If you loved the tragic romance the first time around, “Practical Magic 2” still casts its spell. 

Cranking out two hours of nostalgia bait, nineties aestheticism still hits like it did way back when. Slip dresses may be cut with a slightly different silhouette these days, but the minute the death beetle’s buzzing folded into the barebones strum of Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide,” I happily took a butter knife to the heart. With the butter. Give me that sentimental slop. Don’t stop until I say “when.”

Let me sum everything up with a single scene: the one where sisters Gillian Owens (Nicole Kidman) and Sally Owens (Sandra Bullock) lean their heads on one another’s shoulders and sigh. We didn’t really need all the smoky spirits from the underworld. 

Critics panned it, but the kind of popcorn-lovin’ comfort is exactly why audiences have scored “Practical Magic 2” at 92% on Rotten Tomatoes. Like many other women (at least enough to temporarily knock “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” off its box office throne), I bought my ticket and signed its secret contract. I agreed not to concern myself with the plot or most of the dialogue. Instead, I hoped for miles of flowing hair extensions, smoky eyes and full faces of makeup at bedtime, ethereal dressing gowns, fairytale candlelit interiors, and a soundtrack that weaves a Brandi Carlisle cover of Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes” into a sentimental score that feels like it came from before we got used to seeing everyone’s pores in hi-def. 

And voilà! That’s what I got. An easy watch for spooky season. The hardest part was coordinating pre-movie margs with gal pals who wouldn’t miss this for the world. At least this time the Owens sisters finally addressed the fact that the “lime in the coconut” song (“Coconut” by Harry Nilsson) isn’t a recipe for blended margs, even though it’s the soundtrack to midnight margaritas. The most gaping story hole was quickly sewn up in minutes. I’m already thinking too hard. Moving on.

“You’re afraid of your power,” Ian says after pressing his hand over Sally’s heart.

“No. I’ve seen what my power can do,” Sally replies. 

“You ignore your heritage at your peril,” he warns.

“Oh my God, can we please not do the ‘peril’ speech?” Sally says, with the throwback comedy stylings of Jennifer Aniston on “Friends.” Kind of whiny and cheesy with a little oh come on, you guys thrown in. It’s exactly what we’ve come to expect from stars like Sandra Bullock who hit the big time during Y2K. Once a nineties it girl, always a nineties it girl — even at 62.

I just watched “Practical Magic” for the first time, so it’s not like I’ve spent the better part of my life waiting for this sequel. I’m also not really a witch movie person. (I imagine “Hocus Pocus” playing in the waiting room of purgatory.) But this one isn’t about hunchbacked biddies cackling over bubbling cauldrons. Instead, it feels more like Sarah McLachlan hanging string lights and “Building A Mystery.” Botanical babes who have no Amazon subscriptions for bulk frog toes and newt eyes. They’re just your eccentric, ridiculously gorgeous neighbors who can drum up a spell should you need someone to fall in love with you against their will. 

After fully recreating the 19th century Queen Anne-style home from the first movie — and unlocking brand new Cotswolds imagery when the whole gang headed to the U.K. — “Practical Magic 2” didn’t need to work too hard to live up to the bewitching hype around the Owens family aesthetic. Of course, there were more serious “shenanigans” (as Dianne Wiest’s Aunt Jet says on her birthday) in store for viewers.

Calling back to the gothic, storybook sorcery of the first movie, “Practical Magic 2” isn’t totally dark arts free. I was a little unnerved by the evil out-of-body monster voice that sounded too modern to believe. And the whipped cream pentagram of the original returned, but fully engulfed in flames. The clearly possessed “Book of the Raven” offers the only chance of breaking the romance curse against the Owens family in time for Sally’s daughters to fall in love.

There’s a feather light hint at a same-sex relationship and loving “how you want to love,” or something like that. But it was so fast, I missed it. I was more focused on how anyone dances with full margaritas, and whether my real life relationship holds up to the cinematic portrayal of two people in love. (Of course not. Maybe the discussion over which toothpaste is their favorite happens in “Practical Magic 3: Annoyingly Practical, Not At All Magical.”)

You’ll also have to do yourself the favor of overlooking Hollywood’s obsession with a muted palette. Still a moody depiction of witch life in a similar setting, the original “Practical Magic” was saturated with color. Now, the brightest features on screen are Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. They are indeed gifted in the looks department (with the obvious interventions), but even the next generation of Owens women (played by Maisie Williams and Joey King) were almost physically muted as not to outshine their snatched and Botoxed elders.

Sigh. I still kind of wish I could pop open a parasol and casually float down from a rooftop. Or stir my coffee without having to hold the spoon. I just want to lose myself in the story. It’s so rare that it’s worth the $20 price of admission to attempt it.

Still, if it’s the movie equivalent of nineties Gap knitwear that you’re after, plenty of other cozy films don’t compromise on story (because they haven’t yet reincarnated the originals). “You’ve Got Mail” and “When Harry Met Sally” make the most of an autumn love story in New York. “Chocolat” technically takes place in spring, but the sweets-based romance is sweater weather-coded. You can also put your heartstrings to the test with the American Film Institute’s “ninth most romantic film” of all time, 1970’s “Love Story” set during a fall semester at Harvard. Or tangle football season with a dance competition in “Silver Linings Playbook.” Please also see the Hallmark Channel.

“Practical Magic 2” didn’t set the stage for an expanded trilogy. But never underestimate Hollywood’s ability to raise a franchise from the dead (like “Practical Magic’s” Jimmy Angelov). In the meantime, I’ll be catching cozy fever from movies that serve hot cocoa without ruffling any feathers — or summoning cranky spirits from the dark side. 

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