They’ve Completely Lost The Plot

The Venice Film Festival is happening right now, and that means that many of the best and brightest people in the universe have something to say.

George Clooney was there talking about how we’re experiencing difficult times in the United States. He said:

We’ve had some other difficult times, but this is one of them. There’s a great word, kakistocracy, which is a country run by the least qualified people. I think maybe we have a kakistocracy right now, but we’ll get through it, and we will have an election in November that should be a check and balance. And then in 2028, with any luck, we’ll have some restoration.

He says that American politics is a joke, but don’t worry, we’ll get through it.

Thank you, George Clooney. I was truly worried. I need your guidance. I need George Clooney, who’s very, very wealthy, to tell me that it’s actually the rich people who are somehow betraying us.

I’m always bewildered by this particular argument, because most of the people I know who are rich were not rich at some point in their lives, and they’ve been the same people the whole time.

This is the kind of class-based distinction people want to make in America, but it really applies more to old Europe.

There was a time when I made a lot less money. I’m the same person; nothing changed. I just have more money now.

But to George Clooney, people with the most money are the ones who are telling us to fear one another.

This is so tiresome. You are a man with tons of money telling us we need to fear one another. Do you own a mirror? You’re very rich. You can afford a mirror.

“We’re living through a moment in time where people in charge of the people with the most money are telling us to fear one another, fear one another,” he declared. “But we know better than that, don’t we? Because history does teach us a lesson. It teaches us something. The first people that authoritarians try to shut down are not politicians. They’re journalists who ask questions. They’re the artists who refuse simple answers that the filmmakers, writers, actors and musicians …”

Oh, it’s the artists who bring us together. That’s who brings us together, with films that label half the American population horrible and film festivals that refuse to acknowledge the existence of other worldviews.

Ryan Reynolds is getting overtly political because he happens to be in Venice. He said:

What’s interesting about when you get far enough away from a time period that’s quite distinct, I think there’s always a lovely feeling associated with it. It’s almost like you pave over all the trauma with, like, puppy dogs and ice cream. And the ’80s was a brutal, brutal time for people. It was a f*cking mess. And like, you know, people forget that that was like that was a tremendous strife, socio-political tensions everywhere. 

You know, we’re still like, pretty fresh off, like a Cuban missile crisis, which is only like, what, 15, 20 years before. So, you know, it’s a tumultuous period. But you look back at it now and you’re like, “Oh yeah, Top Gun cocaine.” Like. No, it was like really scary.

The 1980s? You don’t remember them properly. Sure, the 1980s were great, but you just don’t remember. Ryan Reynolds remembers it really well, and he’ll tell you all about it.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is on the board of the Venice Film Festival, said one of the great tragedies of filmmaking right now is that it’s very hard for women to get their films financed.

Let’s be abundantly clear. It is very difficult for anyone to get a film financed because film is expensive.

May we point out that Maggie Gyllenhaal has had films financed that are some of the worst films in human history? What was Maggie Gyllenhaal’s latest film?

Hmmm… Her last film, “The Bride,” is one of the worst movies ever made. Ever.

It had a huge cast with Christian Bale and Jessie Buckley and a budget of $80-$90 million.

It made $24 million at the box office.

Lady, I’m pretty sure if it’s hard for you to get financed, it’s because you financed a project to the tune of $80-$90 million that made $24 million at the box office.

That budget is just for the film. That does not include what’s called P&A, meaning the print and advertising campaign, which is usually as much as the budget. So that movie probably cost at least $150 million and made $24 million at the box office.

And then she’s asking, “Why won’t anyone fund me?”

I don’t know, but perhaps it’s because somebody could find a better way to flush $120 million down the toilet.

Speaking of women who complain about not getting role offers, Elliot Page is now complaining, which I think is contradictory. Elliot Page, a woman cosplaying as a man, says “he” has not received any role offers since “The Odyssey.”

There’s a reason for that. Page was not very good in “The Odyssey.” Elliot Page was supposed to be playing a young man who dies in a war, and it didn’t work because Elliot Page looks like a 110-pound woman.

I have been informed that it’s very hard for women to get jobs. But Hollywood has told me that Elliot Page is a man.

I don’t get it. Where’s the sexism working in favor of Elliot Page? Where is it? I’m confused.

Hollywood. A place where brain cells go to die.