Kissing Makes It Snow: Hallmark’s ‘Countdown to Christmas’ Is Underway

The Halloween candy may not yet be purchased, but the Christmas season is officially underway … at least for fans of cable Christmas movies.

Hallmark’s “Countdown to Christmas” kicked off last Friday night with “’Tis the Season for Setups.” A heartwarming holiday romance. This was followed Saturday night by “Holiday Touchdown: A Bears Love Story.” A heartwarming holiday romance. Sunday brought “Mr. & Mrs. Christmas.” A heartwarming holiday … well, you know.

Meanwhile, on Great American Family, it’s new lineup of Christmas flicks opened a week earlier, with former Hallmark Christmas Queen Candace Cameron Bure starring in “A Second Chance Christmas,” a faith-based … wait for it … heartwarming holiday romance.

The Rules of Hallmark Christmas Movies

Before you sit down with a warm mug of hot chocolate to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie, you must understand that certain rules apply to these films. Shall we look at a few?

For example, one character in each Hallmark Christmas flick must have a special family recipe for said hot chocolate, with special bonus points for cups of cocoa with more goodies on top than a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade float.

Second: The guy you’re dating at the beginning of the movie who is obsessed with his career you will dump by movie’s end. The guy you meet at the start of the movie who is obsessed with his career you will fall in love with.

Third: Never leave your current partner alone with their ex.

Fourth: All pickup trucks must be red … and vintage.

Fifth: Choruses and carolers only know “Silent Night.”

While the list goes on and on, my personal favorite concerns a scientific fact that has now been confirmed by the National Weather Service: Kissing makes it snow.

It’s true. Even if our lovey-dovey—if chaste—leads are in the Bahamas, flakes will fall from the sky like manna when they first lock lips.

Why the Obsession?

You don’t have to be a widowed detective with a precocious daughter who’s moved to a quaint mountain town from the big city to rebuild his life but isn’t ready to recommit to deduce why people can get obsessed with cable Christmas films.

It’s hot cocoa for the soul. Sure, it’s sugary and far from nutritious, but it warms the insides, and for two hours allows viewers to believe that good and magical things happen at Christmas, and love triumphs in the end.

And while Hallmark, unlike Great American Family, tends to avoid the true meaning of Christmas—Jesus is rarely even a day player in these films—their holiday offerings do contain hope, and light, and joy, and love, and generosity, along with reconnection, renewal and rebirth, all of which together we can label “The Christmas Spirit.”

They’re also snow boots for your feet. Pure escapism. As “Countdown to Christmas” was getting underway, rioters were burning down France. A U.S. senator was talking about persecuting the political opposition to intimidate young conservatives from entering public service. More mothers were charged with murdering their children.

Is it any wonder people would want to race to sleepy northern hamlets that may or may not be home to Santa, where the snow is never muddy, the Christmas lights are always on, and the TVs can only play “It’s a Wonderful Life”?

Christmas movies can also be an exorcism for the ghosts that haunt so many of us during the holidays. Having lost my father at a young age on Christmas, I annually undergo a desperate journey to recapture the feeling of the holidays of my youth. Hence, the Hallmark channel being on in the background.

Yes, in a real sense, the light out of that tiny manger in the vast dark of the Bethlehem sky is my truest comfort, but Christmas movies provide an extra push, like the song says, “to muddle through somehow.”

So make fun of us like classmates would make fun of the adorable, but shy kid who stumbles through the first part of her Christmas performance before magically putting Beyoncé to shame with the help of the newly arrived stranger who had long ago given up her own musical ambitions.

We’re not changing that channel.

And we’re going to laugh right back at you with the numbers. Hallmark during “Countdown to Christmas” habitually becomes the most watched or second-most watched cable channel of all. And that’s even on days they’re screening movies fans likely have watched over and over again.

Yeah. Gimme the Brenner family from the “Three Wise Men and a Baby” trilogy over the Kardashians. Gimme the “Holiday Touchdown” movies over whatever craziness the WNBA is doing. Gimme Danica McKellar’s “Crown for Christmas” over Harry and Meghan any day of the week. (Actually, give me a toothache over Harry and Meghan. Bad example.)

True, there is no excuse for not sweating like an elf in your real life to bring about Christmas cheer to your own life and the lives of those around you, rather than spend all your time in make-believe villages. In that case, use the films for inspiration to bake, to volunteer, to give, to sing aloud, to take a chance again on love. Perhaps buy a red vintage pickup to deliver toys.

I’m thinking of a Scrooge-y former colleague who wrote passionately against Hallmark Christmas movies because they often operate counter to the true meaning of Christmas.

Perhaps all he really needed was that warm cup of cocoa whipped up from grandma’s secret recipe, to slip into that Santa suit that just happened to fit him perfectly, and to kiss his true love under the mistletoe.

And feel his cares of the moment fall down like snow.

We publish a variety of perspectives. Nothing written here is to be construed as representing the views of the Daily Signal.

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