The ‘Fur Baby’ Life Comes With A Truth Most People Don’t Want To Admit

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My dog, Lemmy, is one of my favorite people. He snores like an old man, scares himself with his own farts, and snorts directly into my eyes. Always on the lookout for new friends (he’ll take humans over other dogs), he wiggles, rolls into a ball, and lies on strangers’ feet, lapping up belly rubs and compliments about his cuteness.

Of the 200 words most dogs can comprehend, at least 197 words of Lemmy’s vocabulary are probably nicknames I’ve made up for him over the years. A blue French Bulldog with a nub for a tail, smushed nose, googly eyes, and “tulip ears,” he answers to Bunny, Skoonch, Teddy, Boops, and variations on the theme. He’s the best boy. I joke that he’s my biological son based on our shared love of peanut butter, long walks on the beach, and packages from Amazon. 

Though the birthrate is declining in the U.S., pet ownership is skyrocketing — up more than 50% since the 1980s. As the human population shrinks, dogs, cats, horses, turtles, and chinchillas have us feeling a little less lonely. But as researchers scramble to uncover the real reasons behind the dip in population, dogs get wrapped up in the mix as a “substitute kids” scapegoat.

Some surveys suggest that currently childless dog owners see a four-legged buddy as “a child surrogate to spoil.” Even the late Pope Francis warned, “We see a form of selfishness. We see that some people do not want to have a child … They have dogs and cats that take the place of children.” (He also said pets go to Heaven, so he gets a pass.)

There’s no world in which I think Lemmy is, in fact, my kid. Of course I tell him he’ll always be my baby, and I love taking him to every restaurant that will have him. But I can tell the difference between how he sees the world and how my niece and nephews do. He also doesn’t have as many weekend soccer tournaments on his calendar. I don’t have kids, but do parents normally let their human children lick their faces? Hit me up in the comments.

When I lived in LA, there was a much greater chance that someone was pushing a stroller with a dog swaddled in the main compartment versus a human baby. But new research shows that people who pamper their pups like babies might actually save humanity. Or, at least, be more likely to eventually have their own kids. 

A study in Taiwan followed 23 million participants and millions of pets over a decade, revealing that pet owners weren’t replacing hypothetical children with animals. Instead, those pets were simply joining the family first. The human kids came next. (The findings also showed this doesn’t work in reverse where babies lead to people getting dogs.)

Pets make people parents. It’s just science, you guys!

Goldendoodles and other furry friends probably create this desire for family because our brains see our dogs just like we see our human babies. (It’s not just me saying this; our brains light up like Christmas trees in MRIs to prove we’re especially fond of our own squad.) Mother of three Alison LaCoss said she felt a similar feeling after adopting her dogs as she did giving birth to her kids: “I felt a flood of emotions. Here were these cute, adorable creatures that I suddenly wanted to love and protect. I felt like they were my babies.”

With dogs licking their paws in over 65 million American homes, word is out on the beneficial bond between dogs and their humans. People were buried with their dogs 14,000 years ago (I’m telling myself they died on the same day). And now, the family dog helps kids feel less anxious. Even just petting your dog releases the “cuddle chemical” oxytocin in your body — as well as your dog’s. 

No offense to the second most popular pet in the U.S., but there have yet to be studies proving the same is true of cats. “If this is the exhaustion that comes with a cat, how much would it be with a child,” posted one Redditor, claiming to have been socially conditioned by conservative relatives to want children. “I’m happy with my fur baby, and he’s the only baby I want to have.”

Elsewhere, on r/cats, someone posted, “I swear since getting cats my desire to have kids has vanished. Anyone else? Lol.”  This two-person Reddit sample certainly doesn’t represent every cat owner, but there’s just something different about dogs.

Writer Christine Derengowski recalled a serendipitous adoption of her family’s dog, Gertie, a few weeks before she experienced a miscarriage. “For the first time in my life, I felt the full force of my desire to be a mom,” she said of cradling her sweet pup after the devastating doctor’s appointment. “I couldn’t bring myself to put her back down. I rocked her like an infant and cried.” She went on to welcome two children. “[Gertie] taught me the difference between wanting a baby and wanting to be a mom … She not only comforted me through my greatest loss but also put me in touch with a part of me I hadn’t yet discovered.”

They may be the goofy face of fur baby culture, but maybe man’s best friends will keep the future of humanity out of the dog house.