The Viral ‘I Regret My Kids’ Trend Is Getting One Big Thing Wrong

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My first thought after reading the viral “I Regret Having Children” article in The Cut was: “Wow, those are some young kids they’re complaining about.” The article consults three moms having second thoughts about their decision to become parents, and the oldest child among them is only 6. There are toddlers and babies but no older kids. That’s telling.

These sorts of articles are horrifying because they normalize a former taboo: admitting you don’t want the children you have. But more than that, they miss a fundamental point about parenthood: It has seasons.

This reminds me of when Chelsea Handler made headlines in 2023 for bragging about sleeping in and not shuttling kids to school in the early morning hours. Critics rightly pointed out that considering how the comedian was in her late 40s, it wasn’t unreasonable to assume that if she were a mother, any children she had would be getting themselves on the school bus or even at college sleeping late and partying just like their mom.

The baby years are time-consuming and sleep-deprived, but they are also brief. Toddler years last a little longer and also get more rewarding as your offspring start developing their personalities even more and engaging with the world around them.

Those big kid years? They are challenging too, but also magical and rewarding. Any experienced parent will tell you they are nothing like the baby years. My own kids are getting older, with the youngest out of diapers and the oldest entering her pre-teen years. They pour their own juice, get themselves dressed, clean up after themselves (mostly), and even cook dinner sometimes. Our family is in a completely different rhythm now compared to just five short years ago.

One mom I talked to mentioned how having children is an investment in the future, and that resonated deeply with me. She said for all the sleepless nights, she’s thinking ahead to her Thanksgiving table in 30 years being filled with the family she’s started now. 

The moms interviewed by The Cut complain about missed career opportunities, flabby tummies, and less free time. 

“Having a kid turns you into a morning person the way being chased by a bear turns you into a runner,” one interviewee complained. Another recalls how she “hallucinated from lack of sleep” when her daughter came home from the hospital, while the third said of her one-year-old, “If there is a hell, I’ve been living in it since I gave birth.”

Those are all problems that parents would tell you are worth the trade-off of ensuring the continuation of the family line. But even for these women with more superficial concerns, their desires don’t have to be given up forever. The older the kids, the more independent they become, and the more time moms will have for personal fulfillment again. 

Fortunately, X users were mostly horrified by the views expressed in the article.

“A life focused on pleasure, comfort and money instead of love is ultimately a meaningless, miserable one,” pro-life activist Lila Rose observed. “You have a soul. You need love.”

“Motherhood has its rough parts, but this seems to be a consequence of our obsession with self-actualization not taking into account that some worthwhile things are hard, and that roles of service are often more meaningful long-term than those activities that provide instant gratification,” Daily Wire contributor Emily Zanotti wrote. “Motherhood—physical, spiritual, or otherwise—is just a *good and natural thing.* It’s not always fun, or fulfilling, or even interesting. But it doesn’t need to be those things *all the time* to be the best thing you will do in your life.”

“There is only one thing that will make you chronically miserable as a parent and that thing is selfishness,” Daily Wire host Matt Walsh wrote. “Immense joys are available to parents—a unique kind of happiness that non-parents cannot experience—but those joys do require you to pull your head out of your own ass for long enough to experience them. If you can’t, or refuse to, then yeah you’ll be miserable all the time. But the good news (if you want to call it that) is that selfish people are miserable no matter what they do, whether they have kids or not, so there’s still no need to feel regret.”

Children are needy when they’re little. Then they become self-sufficient and later they become helpful. The precious baby you’re wishing wasn’t here so you could have uninterrupted Sudoku afternoons could become your best brunch companion in a couple decades—or sooner. The little boy climbing furniture and throwing tantrums will be helping clean your gutters in a blink. In Bryan Caplan’s 2011 book “Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think,” the economist asks parents take such a long-term approach: consider how many kids you’ll want to have had when you’re 60.

Regretting or questioning having kids, like polyamory, has become the latest norm-bucking trend. But like anything in life, parenthood doesn’t always, or even usually, offer instant gratification. Raising children is just part of the story. It’s a mistake to close the book before you’ve reached the good part.

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The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.