The Marriage Lesson An Entire Generation Never Learned

Young Americans are increasingly told to postpone marriage. As a result, the idea of tying the knot is falling out of favor with my entire generation.

For many in Generation Z, this shift isn’t merely a product of cultural drift but rather one of well-intentioned guidance from the people we trust most: our parents, who urge an emphasis on financial stability long before marriage is even considered.

Back in the 1950s, Americans typically married in their early twenties. By 2019, the median age of first marriage had climbed into the late twenties and early thirties, and the nation’s marriage rate had fallen to a 140-year low.

Aside from statistics, this advice often stems from sacrifice and good intentions. For many first-generation college students like myself, our parents worked hard to provide us access to an American education and greater opportunities for economic mobility. Their emphasis on financial security reflects a desire to ensure peace, stability, and prosperity for the next generation.

The American Enterprise Institute recommends a “success sequence” to avoid poverty: earn a high school degree and secure a full-time job before getting married and having children. Among descendants of minorities and low-income families, 97% of young adults who follow the sequence avoid poverty by their thirties. A vast majority move into the middle class and beyond.

My parents’ advice reflected this success sequence, but they taught me to delay serious commitment further in pursuit of financial independence. “Don’t think about marriage until you are 27,” they said.

Of course, the pursuit of economic independence is a worthy and respectable goal that is not available to all women worldwide. Where I disagree is not that I should strive for financial success, but rather that I must do it on my own — or delay marriage until an arbitrary age.

My parents, like those of many others my age, even suggested living together before marriage as a practical step, keeping relationships casual and postponing long-term commitment. This perspective isn’t unique to my family. In fact, the Pew Research Center reported in 2019 that 85% of American adults view cohabitation as acceptable.

Views like these, rooted in care and a desire for stability, have subtly influenced how my generation approaches relationships. Following this well-intentioned guidance, many of us are expected to spend our twenties climbing the corporate ladder while approaching romantic relationships casually.

Over time, I began questioning whether financial security alone was enough to define a successful life. My perspective shifted even more after my conversion to Catholicism. It changed not only how I viewed marriage, but also how I understood success as a young woman. The desire for married life became essential to my understanding of human flourishing — something not always accompanied by the culture’s definition of “fun” or practicality.

The data support this intuition. According to the Institute for Family Studies, married women “live longer, earn more, and report more meaningful lives, compared to single women.” Gallup research likewise found that married Americans consistently report higher levels of wellbeing than unmarried adults, regardless of age, race, or education.

The Catholic Church offers an explanation for why this might be true. It teaches that marriage is a vocation in which one spouse’s primary responsibility is to aid the other’s journey to heaven. This understanding of self-sacrificial love gives marriage a purpose that extends beyond personal fulfillment. If marriage consistently contributes to well-being, why has it become something to postpone until every other milestone has been achieved?

Gen Z is increasingly coaxed away from the altar by narratives that redirect this natural desire for commitment toward fears of economic instability, distorted understandings of gender roles and religion, shrinking job opportunities, and anxieties surrounding submission and self-sacrifice.

Marriage offers a stability that nothing corporate or financial can replicate. When the world offers women radical individualism on a silver platter, getting married in one’s twenties provides a unique opportunity to grow alongside someone else — financially speaking, a “start-up” rather than a “merger.” Through the years, spouses learn to serve one another, navigate challenges, and build a future grounded in shared values and enduring commitment as opposed to isolation and fear.

Gen Z must rediscover marriage as a path to human flourishing. Our culture should present marriage not as a luxury item or a bucket-list achievement, but as a foundation for shared values, mutual responsibility, and relationships built on a security that transcends the material.

Marriage should be a cornerstone, not a capstone, event that can only come after every professional achievement has been unlocked. Entering marriage with intention in one’s twenties or thirties allows that bond to shape character, purpose, and a lifetime of shared growth.

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Paris Apodaca is a student media fellow at the Network of Enlightened Women. She studies political science at the University of Washington and serves as president of her campus chapter of NeW.

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