The Tiny Theme Park That Just Beat Disney At Its Own Game

This article is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories — from our featured writers to you.

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Tripadvisor just made a surprising selection for its “Best of the Best Things To Do” in the “Amusement & Water Parks” category. It wasn’t Magic Kingdom, it wasn’t Dollywood, and it wasn’t Universal Studios. It was a retro-style theme park situated in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania.

Knoebels (kuh-NOH-buhlz) may seem like a strange selection when it’s held up against the amusement park heavyweights that everyone knows. But if you’ve been there, like I have, then it makes perfect sense.

Any American who has ever yearned for a return to simpler times when people smiled at each other and the world felt hopeful should plan a visit to Elysburg, where America’s largest free admission amusement park is located.

The Tripadvisor award isn’t its first recognition; the park, located three hours northwest of Philadelphia, has popped up on various “best of” and “hidden gems” lists over the years. But taking top honors on the 100th anniversary of its founding in 1926 is worth celebrating. 

I lived close enough to make a day trip for years before I took my kids for the first time. Now we go at least once per year, and usually more often than that. My kids love it. I love it. And even in this economy, my budget loves it. 

The most appealing thing as a mom of five is the affordability, especially compared to other popular amusement parks. As ticket costs keep creeping up, with Disney admission hovering around $200 average and even Dollywood costing $100 per person, it makes amusement parks for big families economically unwise. Remember, that’s the cost just to walk in the door, not counting food — because bringing your own is usually prohibited — souvenirs, gas, and all the other expenses that pop up during a long day of fun. 

It’s free to get into Knoebels. Yes, you read that correctly, 100% free. 

And you know what else? You can bring your own food without strategically wrapping it in towels buried deep in your swim bag (not that I would ever do that). 

Knoebels is known for having some truly delightful and unique culinary options, such as Gator Bites (lightly fried alligator meat served with a tangy Boom Boom dipping sauce), a pickle on a stick, traditional Pennsylvania Dutch apple dumplings, and even a build-your-own baked potato bar. But, if you’re on a budget and would rather pack your own PB&J, that’s fine too. There are shaded picnic tables and pavilions all over the park for anyone to enjoy the lunch they purchased or packed.

As someone who rarely goes on rides, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate not being forced to pay admission for amenities I’m not going to use. Visitors can purchase ride-all-day wristbands every weekday in the summer and off-season. Otherwise, ride tickets can be purchased in as little as 25-cent increments, so a park visitor could show up, pay nothing to enter, bring his own lunch, ride the famed Phoenix wooden roller coaster, and go home spending no more than $4.50.

You know why? Because parking is free, too. 

Besides just being budget friendly, Knoebels is totally nostalgic and unique. It’s attached to a campground and retains that laid-back, unhurried feel. With more than 100 rides and attractions, there is something for everyone, and it’s impossible to be bored. My favorite is the little kid section, filled with old school classics such as self-propelled Hand Cars, Kiddie Bumper Cars, Red Baron Planes, and everyone’s favorite: The Whip.

For Disney lovers, they even have spinning Tea Cups.

My older kids enjoy the thrill rides, such as the massively popular Flying Turns, a bobsled-style roller coaster that has no metal track and instead uses gravity and momentum to send riders on an exhilarating ride. We never leave without a ride through The Haunted Mansion, and I love taking it slow on the scenic Pioneer Train. 

There are just so many reasons to love Knoebels. They are extremely pro-military, offering active duty service members a free $40 book of ride tickets and retired or disabled veterans a $20 book of ride tickets once per season. The park also hosts an annual Armed Forces Day offering free ride passes for service members. 

In a world where costs keep climbing and customer service continues to decline, when things break easily but cost more, where kids are constantly plugged into devices, Knoebels stands out as an homage to the way things used to be. It’s quaint, it’s retro, it’s safe, and it’s lovely. The employees are friendly, the rides are fun, and the overall feeling is family-friendly nostalgia.

The reason my family keeps going back is because of the memories we’re making at a place that’s a vision of what this nation used to be. It’s not pretentious and flashy, but it doesn’t have to be. The fact that a free admission park that runs on tradition just beat every major theme park in the country says something about what Americans truly want.

Hope to see you there.