Going To A Kid’s Birthday Party This Weekend? Check The Invite For Fine Print.

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My firstborn just turned four, and my husband and I threw him a party with a handful of friends and neighbors. Everything went surprisingly smoothly for a gathering of tiny, sugar-fueled people: the weather was balmy for February, our neighbors made and delivered a fort out of their old couch boxes, and there was no gift opening ceremony. We asked friends not to bring them at all.

This may make me sound a little heartless, but think about it for a second. Our house is 1,000 square feet and change. We have two children. Anything that is not immediately serving a purpose has to go. On top of that, any kids’ toys with multiple, removable pieces will simply never stay together and are now a choking hazard for our baby.

I primed our older son just before the party, telling him that while he’d already enjoyed presents from his parents and grandparents, this party wouldn’t have gifts. He seemed momentarily disappointed, but then he was quickly distracted by the buzz of party prep: the excavator-shaped balloon, the stacks of juice boxes on the kitchen table, and the friends knocking on the door. None of us mentioned presents again.

I’m not alone on the no-presents front. Many millennial and Gen Z parents are forgoing gifts at their young children’s parties. Their reasons vary. Some, like me, have a house that is bursting at the seams with stuff. Others (also like me, though this wasn’t my top reason for skipping gifts) are picky about what comes into their home — take a brief look at some of the plastic, neon-colored, uncanny valley-looking toys lining the shelves of Target and Walmart to see what I mean.

Last weekend, I attended another four-year-old birthday party. The twin girls’ mom asked for no gifts, too. “I try to keep our home really intentional and simple,” she said, adding that she wanted her daughters to be grateful for people, not stuff.

Another young millennial mom concurred.

“More often than not, I see people politely asking guests not to bring gifts,” said one friend, a mother of two who lives in the Midwest. “Our families still give gifts, but we’ve done it for parties with his school friends,” she said of her four-year-old. “We’re drowning in stuff and our house is pretty tiny.”

One mom I talked to, Elizabeth, a mother of four boys, said her family forgoes gifts at children’s parties because they have “too much stuff” and “don’t want people to feel like they have to spend money to come hang out.” The exceptions are first birthday parties and baptisms.

I asked other parents online to share their perspectives, and dozens of them reached out to comment. Some raised other benefits from gift-free parties: You can invite as many people as you want without feeling like you’re demanding gifts from a crowd, and you’re putting less pressure on families who may not have the means to buy a nice gift. If the parents in your milieu are on the same page, it also means less coordination and spending when everyone starts turning four (or five or six) at once.

Some parents, already overloaded with junk from China, suggested variations on the theme. They ask for books or have a book swap; they request disposable and practical toys such as art supplies. Others send out an Amazon wish list — kids’ birthday party registries are popping up more and more, though some worry that telling guests what to bring can be tacky. A simple card can be a sweet request, or you can ask guests to donate to a charity of your (or your kid’s) choice.

If you decide to forgo gifts, there is the issue of what you should say on the invitation. “No gifts please” and “no gifts necessary” are quite different. One (hopefully) means that there will be no gifts at the party, and the other invites the possibility of confusion and discord; what if you’re the only guest not to bring a gift? Since our party was construction-themed, we asked people to bring cardboard boxes instead of gifts. This was meant to bypass a problem that even the clearest, most emphatic language on an invitation cannot solve: People like to bring gifts to parties.

Guests hate to show up empty-handed to an event. Many parents told me that they tried “no gifts” parties but stopped because no one listened to them. I should note that the proper etiquette as an attendee is to respect the host’s wishes, but if you as a host are afraid of the awkwardness that would ensue from that one guest showing up anyway with a massive present, try a small-gift alternative by requesting books or second-hand items.

There are pros to having gifts at a children’s party, but in my opinion they only manifest when the kid is older. Later on, my son can learn the art of graciously accepting all types of gifts, whether he feels excited about them or not. The last time I took him on a flight, the pilot offered him a wing pin and he admitted bluntly, “I already have one of those.” As a parent, I’m not thrilled about managing that same type of interaction at a birthday party.

A 2024 poll found that 13% of moms put “no gifts” on their invites. Another poll found that 40% of parents “dread” the gifting part of children’s birthday parties. Moms and dads complained about “added clutter (80%), the amount of plastic being purchased (77%), too many toys for one child (57%), [and] the expense for other parents (39%).”

In response to all this, some parents raised the question of whether children really need a party for each birthday. For me, the answer is an unequivocal yes. I will throw a party for every holiday I can get my hands on; of course I’m going to celebrate my kids when I get the chance. That’s part of why “no gifts” parties are so attractive.

Despite what social media may make it seem like, not every party needs a balloon arch and piles of presents. Sometimes you just need an excuse to get together with your fellow beleaguered parents on a Saturday morning and drink mimosas while your kids run amok. The children have the time of their lives, the washable markers you bought for the cardboard boxes will come out of the rug eventually, and the kids will be so busy inventing games together that they’ll forget there’s nothing to unwrap. 

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The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.