Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Con Was Never Going To Last Forever

Remember when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle thought they could alight upon California and trick us into treating them like America’s most sympathetic Brit-ish royals? Well, it seems the stateside jig is up as the hucksters move on to plan B. 

After dragging the British monarchy through the mud and fleeing the U.K. for Montecito in 2020, Harry and Meghan plan this fall to schlep it back across the pond. Yep, to the place where Meghan once claimed the press treated her with such brutality, she “didn’t want to be alive anymore.” To the father Harry said was cold and distant, and the brother he alleged called Meghan “rude” and “abrasive.” Meghan even summoned crocodile tears to tell Oprah the royals were racists. 

Why would they voluntarily jump back into all of that? Well, maybe everyone stopped believing their lies.

The couple plan to enroll their children, 7-year-old Archie and 5-year-old Lilibet at a U.K. school this September. Since they already regifted their official Frogmore Cottage back to the late queen, they’ll remain royal-adjacent in an off-campus residence.

We’re supposed to believe this is a moving story of a broken family on the mend, the return of Britain’s former favorite royal (Harry) into the Commonwealth’s open arms. It’s so epic, it could almost be a movie. What a coincidence that Netflix cameras may be on hand to capture it.

This all came about after Harry and Meghan popped in to see the king in July for a shockingly headline-free visit. King Charles, who is still receiving treatment for cancer, seems to have the most empathy toward Harry’s plans to return for good. Somewhere in Windsor Castle, the queen is rolling over in her grave.

So is this the part where Harry and Meghan finally admit that clawing for clout effectively destroyed every close relationship in their lives? Meghan may have been fine going no-contact with her dad, siblings, former castmates, ex-husband, and friends to rise to the top. But Harry — who once lamented “I lost my dad in this process” after leaving the royal family — was never that cold at heart. As his birthright slipped through his fingers, so did his identity.

Meghan and Harry have spent the better part of their decade-long relationship cashing in on their supposed hardships. They’ve complained ad nauseam about the British tabloid press, filing lawsuit upon lawsuit in a litigious quest to protect their eternally encroached-upon space. It was such a blatant ruse “South Park” even dragged the pair’s “worldwide privacy tour.” While Meghan won a copyright claim in 2021 against a tabloid that published a private letter to her dad, subsequent courts have been less sympathetic. Harry just lost an “invasion of privacy case” against Britain’s Daily Mail newspaper and will be forced, along with other plaintiffs including Elton John, to reimburse legal fees to the tune of $13 million, at least. 

It’s a marker of a changing era. One that’s shifting toward offering obvious grifters a lot less clout. Maybe most of us have exhausted ourselves with our own toxic empathy.

We were just beginning to enter the chaos of 2020 when the Sussexes first launched their American invasion that March. As the pandemic’s chokehold opened the door for the riots of Black Lives Matter, Meghan — a biracial quasi princess — made her move. 

On Oprah’s prime time special, Meghan revealed “concerns and conversations about how dark [Archie’s] skin might be when he was born.” The world gasped at the alleged gall of the perpetrators who, according to Omid Scobie’s book “Endgame,” were rumored to be King Charles and Princess Catherine.  

But by 2026, Oprah would awkwardly distance herself from the marquee exclusive, like it was a random interview with nobody important that she did way back when. Does Oprah not believe Harry and Meghan’s claims anymore? Does anyone? Did we ever? 

After years of virtue signaling, the couple seems to have done the most damage to themselves. Never mind their own children who appear as obscured pint-sized accessories on their parents’ social media.

Archie and Lilibet have reportedly never met their cousins: William and Catherine’s kids George, Charlotte, and Louis. Reports blame the distance between California and Kensington Palace, but the real gap seems to be interpersonal. Harry’s practically estranged from his brother who will one day be the King of England. Since Meghan took a hacksaw to her own immediate family, so to speak, the couple has no one left but themselves. Not even the celebrities they once called friends view them as being essential to elite society.

Where did it really go wrong? Well, Meghan’s name is literally written all over it. From the portmanteau “Megxit” that followed the couple as they left the royal family to the colloquialism “Markled” — or “the Midas touch but for failure” — it seems Harry may have been the limp noodle she needed to siphon that royal cash. 

The plan worked until the hose got kinked and the $6 million they needed to fund their lives stopped rushing in. Meghan didn’t transform into the star she always dreamed of, and the couple was seen at events together less often. Royal biographer “Lady C” Colin Campbell even told “The Nerve With Maureen Callahan,” “People with official links at governmental level in the United States contact me to tell me that Harry is in love with another woman (of his age), who is also in love with him.”

Beyond the stress on the marriage, there’s the issue of proximity to the throne. With the possibility of King Charles abdicating to Prince William at any moment, royal commentators speculate that William may strip Harry and Meghan of their royal titles — and cut them off from the royal family for good.

If they’re no longer duke and duchess, who are they? Harry was born into the monarchy, but Meghan — who went from rags to riches (or “Deal or No Deal” to a $43 million royal wedding) — blew her chance to become just as beloved as Kate, or even Diana. She’s clearly “Single White Female”-ing both. 

Even if they’re headed back into the family fold, it’s unclear whether the British public will welcome Harry and Meghan with open arms. One Londoner said, “I’m not especially happy about it because they trashed the whole country numerous times, betrayed their family, betrayed his king, his father.”

Another noted, “If [Harry] wants to try and build his royal side back up again, I think he would be welcome. He would be welcome.”

Someone else wondered if it’ll just be the same routine in a different country, posting to X: “Harry & Meghan spent years branding the royals ‘toxic,’ fled to Hollywood for ‘freedom,’ then cashed in on every sob story imaginable … only to now crawl back like the firm’s the only place left that still answers their calls. Sussex Squad and Black people who bought the whole ‘racist royals’ act just got played harder than a Netflix special. The Sussexes’ independence lasted about as long as their relevance. Welcome home — your ‘victim’ narrative just got a royal reboot.”

Over on this side of the pond, the vibe is a little more rock and roll. As Meghan McCain posted on X: “One thing about Americans is we can see through bullsh*t and we don’t like entitled grifters. They could never hack it here and truly no one gives a sh*t about d-list royals. Good luck to our friends in the UK, they’re your problem now.”

Still others hope they finally find what they’ve been looking for: home. As one Brit shared, “It’s good to welcome people with open arms, no matter where they are and what their journey is like. You don’t know what they had to go through.” 

Yet, we know what we’ve gone through, and when it comes to these two, it’s “no deal.” Bon voyage, Harry and Meghan. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.