Stephen Colbert Exits Stage Left

Stephen Colbert spent a decade obsessing over President Donald Trump.

For his final “Late Show” appearance, the far-Left host wouldn’t so much as utter Trump’s name. By design, of course.

Thursday’s CBS finale proved a bizarre affair, a forced repudiation of what Colbert & co. built over the show’s 11-year run. He pretended he was Johnny Carson signing off for the last time, an aw, shucks comic looking back on a show filled with gentle riffs on news and culture.

“The Late Show” was anything but that.

Still, Colbert must have decided not to give his literal devil his due. That left an hour-plus affair that felt dishonest and jarring. Think a mashup of forced gratitude and weak-tea jokes.

“The Late Show” went out not with Clapter but by defying its true nature.

The veteran host began with charity to both the gig and his employers.

“We were lucky enough to be here for the last 11 years … we can’t take that for granted,” he said, despite having attacked the Tiffany Network early and often since it announced his cancellation last July.

Remember how, mere days ago, Colbert and former “Late Show” host David Letterman watched as employees hurled furniture from atop the Ed Sullivan Theater to target the CBS logo waiting below?

Lucky or spiteful? Colbert can’t make up his mind. Still.

Celebrities in the crowd interrupted Colbert’s final monologue, including Bryan Cranston, Paul Rudd, Tig Notaro, Ryan Reynolds, and “Saturday Night Live” veteran Tim Meadows. None proved funny, but the star power fed Colbert’s assertion that his cancellation will be a loss for the culture.

It’s actually more painful for stars who will have one less outlet to hawk their films, TV shows, and records.

Colbert described his late-night approach as “feeling the news with you” over the years, which made even less sense than his trademark “truthiness” shtick.

He lectured audiences on how to process the news headlines and avoided stories that hurt his fellow Democrats. But he couldn’t say that aloud. Not even on his final night.

That last monologue avoided politics entirely, including a certain world leader. The results were tepid, like a weak spin on what Jay Leno shared for more than two decades on NBC’s “The Tonight Show.”

Colbert’s heart wasn’t in it. Nor were the writers’, apparently.

Yet throughout the night, Colbert flashed his considerable skills as a host and comic. He always had solid timing and delivery chops. That was never in question.

“What do I plan to do after tonight? The answer is, ‘drugs,’” he quipped, turning a milquetoast joke into a solid laugh.

Still, throughout the night, Colbert’s rage at his dismissal and anti-Trump fury peeked through. One daffy dolphin sketch included a line suggesting his dismissal “was purely a financial decision.”

Yes, a network has every right to cancel a show that loses a reported $40 million a year. No one has disputed that number, shared at the time of the show’s cancellation. Yet the legacy media and Colbert himself have done all they could to ignore that inconvenient truth.

Colbert played the rebellious employee to the end, forcing his band to play a classic “Peanuts” song he claimed could get CBS in legal hot water. Unlikely, but this Rebel Without a Cause never took any prisoners.

He played The Victim and Martyr Cards to the bitter end.

The final episode did land a stellar guest – Sir Paul McCartney.

Sir Paul remains miraculously unaffected by both Father Time and the fact that he’s Paul Bleepin’ McCartney. He’s just a funny, unassuming lad from Liverpool. Still.

The final interview was far from Colbert’s best, but the moment didn’t require a Walter Cronkite-level interrogation. Macca merely played along with the bits, an old pro delivering as usual.

McCartney did allow for two Trumpian references. He shared how he had to wear bright orange makeup when he appeared with his old band at The Ed Sullivan Theater back in 1964.

“I hear that’s popular in certain circles these days,” Colbert said.

The host didn’t lean into that Orange Man Bad shtick, though. He wanted to make his final show about him, not the man who became his White Whale and drained the humor from him.

McCartney attempted a second Trumpian reference, explaining what it meant to play in America for the first time, way back when.

“America was the land of the free, the greatest democracy … that’s what it was, and still is hopefully,” the singer said, another wink to Colbert’s far-Left faithful.

Then things got … weird.

A recurring bit throughout the night found The Ed Sullivan Theater flooded with an odd green light. Later, backstage, a green wormhole appeared, ready to suck Colbert and everyone in the studio into a void.

They even trotted out astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson to quasi-explain it.

You’ve got the number one late-night talk show but you’re still getting canceled, Tyson said, another attempt to ignore that $40 million annual loss.

“It’s not a hole, it’s a metaphor,” said Jon Stewart, offering his old “Daily Show” chum some wisdom.

“When faced with something dark … stare it down and laugh,” Stewart said, sharing some final wisdom for his pal. Colbert got paid untold millions for hosting a talk show, will write a future “Lord of the Rings” movie, and will likely host a podcast or similar program before the year ends.

If only the rest of us faced such dark challenges.

Then, Colbert’s other late-night hosts dropped by (except Bill Maher, who wouldn’t be caught dead in such stale shtick) for more forced gaiety.

The show wrapped with McCartney performing The Beatles’ “Hello, Goodbye” while Colbert sang backup with Elvis Costello, ex-“Late Show” bandleader Jon Batiste, and the band’s current head honcho, Louis Cato.

“This may come for all of our shows,” fellow far-Left talker John Oliver said late in the final episode, referencing Colbert’s fate. Yes, it will, and likely sooner than later. Even Letterman predicted as much recently.

And everyone in The Ed Sullivan Theater on Thursday was likely in denial as to why.

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Christian Toto is an award-winning journalist, movie critic and editor of HollywoodInToto.com. He previously served as associate editor with Breitbart News’ Big Hollywood. He’s also the host of The Hollywood in Toto Podcast. Follow him at @HollywoodInToto.