ALL-ACCESS ARIA: New opera gives 'Carmen' an OnlyFans account

Some story ideas are best left in the editing room ... or in the first draft.

“Marty Supreme” casts Timothee Chalamet as a ‘50s-era ping-pong prodigy hoping to dominate his sport. Yes, we’re talking ping-pong, but it’s still a terrific movie despite the goofy concept. There’s even an impressive performance by “Shark Tank” alum Kevin O’Leary.

Now even a shrinking 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' is reducing the number of live musical interludes between spoon-feedings of propaganda.

His character is the lead’s frenemy, a benefactor who clashes with the brash ping-ponger. Except the film’s ending nearly featured a bloody coda that would have shocked everyone.

And perhaps crushed its Oscar dreams.

Director Josh Safdie reveals the original premise ends with an ‘80s set scene where O’Leary’s character bites Marty in the neck. Yeah, he’s a vampire in that iteration of the film, even though there’s only one vampire reference prior to it. Audiences assumed it’s a metaphor.

A24, the artsy-fartsy studio behind the film, apparently balked at that ending. The rest may be Oscar history. Bullet dodged ...

The naked lady sings

Our heroine is a scrappy OnlyFans model, gang!

The political leanings of the Metropolitan Opera’s new “Carmen” update are so on the nose that it would make Pinocchio blush. This take on Bizet's classic features an ICE agent attacking an innocent victim on a stage decked out to be the U.S. southern border. And that poor soul happens to be an OnlyFans model.

Who knew Orange Man Bad wasn’t a fan of the adult web site? Now we know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half? Saving your money and watching a version that doesn't devolve into “resistance” agitprop.

Big Bird, free agent

And yet another “we must fund media that hates us” argument hits the bricks.

PBS and NPR finally had their federal funding removed, courtesy of Team Trump. The usual progressive suspects decried this attack on ... wait for it ... democracy.

Actually our democracy is better when state-sponsored news doesn’t use our cash to suppress stories like the Hunter Biden laptop scandal and a cognitively impaired president.

One chronic PBS defense boils down to two words (or one name): Big Bird. Today’s children must have free, unfettered access to the yellow fella living on “Sesame Street” or they’ll grow up listening to Kid Rock.

Now even that argument is going down in flames.

YouTube just partnered with Sesame Workshop to make more than 100 full “Sesame Street” episodes available, for free, to anyone with an internet connection.

Move over, Oscar — looks like another progressive institution is headed for the dustbin of history.

The 'Show' must go on (and on)

Jordan Klepper remains gainfully employed by Comedy Central, but his star just won’t rise. He’s the guy who seeks out uninformed Trump supporters and mocks them for his “Daily Show” sycophants.

George Carlin, he ain’t.

This week, Klepper — one of the show's rotating hosts — attacked President Donald Trump for ... supporting the Iranian people desperate to overthrow their tyrannical government.

How does a freedom-fighting fake newsman spin that as something bad? Not to worry — Klepper found a way, calling Trump a hypocrite because he's against the violent radicals attacking ICE in Minnesota:

Ah, he's talking about Iran. My mistake. Yes, but you know what? It doesn't matter, because President Trump is nothing if not consistent in his beliefs and ironclad in his principles. And I know that his police force will treat Americans with that same empathy and restraint when they — ah, [bleep], you know where this is going.

Yes, we do know where it's going, Jordan. Which is why anyone with a brain tuned out "The Daily Show" a long time ago.

Spin doctors

Scrap the musical guest ... we got Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) in studio!

Late-night TV is getting out of the music business, laments the Hollywood Reporter. First “The Late Show” cut back on its musical guests. Then “Late Night with Seth Meyers” jettisoned its house band to cut costs.

Now even a shrinking “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” is reducing the number of live musical interludes between spoon-feedings of propaganda.

The article laments a great opportunity for emerging bands to make a name for themselves — even if the spots don’t move the needle like they used to.

The bigger message is clear. It’s belt-tightening time with Team Kimmel, and the show's fans would rather watch Democrats blather than enjoy a cool, new band cracking the zeitgeist.

Oh well. Maybe Senator Pocahontas can lead a drum circle.