When the Culture’s View of Family Invades the Church

This is an adapted excerpt from Timothy S. Goeglein’s recent book (with Craig Osten) “What Really Matters: Restoring a Legacy of Faith, Freedom, and Family,” released April 8 from Fidelis Publishing.

The late James Q. Wilson, former professor of government at Harvard University, once said, “It is not money, but the family that is the foundation of public life. As it has become weaker, every structure built on that foundation has become weaker.” 

Those words came to mind when I reviewed some sobering and disturbing statistics from Pew Research and others on the views of Christians when it comes to marriage and cohabitation—especially young Christians. 

It has been stated many times that the downfall of every great civilization, as well as institution, comes from within—not from aggressive external attacks but from moral compromises made along the way that slowly weaken its foundation. 

As our society has debuckled itself from the institution of marriage, with catastrophic results, it seems now many churches are doing the same thing—choosing to conform to the culture rather than transforming it. As a result, the church’s voice in our culture becomes weaker—to the point of irrelevance—and our children are paying the price. This is evident in these statistics, especially when it comes to today’s young adults. 

In 2019, Pew reported 58% of white evangelicals said cohabitation was acceptable as long as the couple eventually plans to marry. 

Alarming as that statistic is, it is more sobering among young evangelicals. Nine years ago, a General Social Survey reported more than 40% of evangelicals between the ages of 20 and 29 thought cohabitation was acceptable even if they had no plans to marry. 

In addition, a new survey from David Ayers at the Institute of Family Studies found nearly half of evangelical Protestants between the ages of 15 and 22 who are not presently cohabitating or married believe they will likely cohabit with a member of the opposite sex sometime in the future. 

The study also found that 65% of evangelicals between the ages of 23 and 44 who had already cohabitated plan on doing so again. This not only impacts our church’s witness when it comes to marriage and family but also accelerates the continued fragmentation of the family unit—the stabilizing factor in all civilizations—regardless of faith. 

Why has this happened? In the rush to be seen as “culturally relevant,” “tolerant,” and “nonjudgmental,” many Christians and churches have pushed aside the Biblical teachings regarding marriage and family. While it is commendable for churches to try to reach the unchurched, many have chosen to avoid so-called “hot topics”—especially when it comes to human sexuality—leaving a vacuum our culture is eager to fill. 

A generation of young believers is learning more about sex and marriage from popular culture than from their churches. When the world—and not churches—is the main educator on these issues, these are the results.

Jim Daly, the president of Focus on the Family, has written, “It will be up to us to show a fraying culture that marriage is so much more than ‘just a piece of paper’ or an association of any two or more persons who profess to love each other. It is a sacred union of a man and a woman that confers myriad benefits on the spouses, their children, and society at large—benefits that cannot be replicated by any other relationship. I would go so far as to say a society cannot flourish, or even long survive, without stable marriages at its core.”

And I would add that when churches no longer view marriage as sacred, but just as another optional arrangement, churches themselves cannot flourish.

Why? Because when churches no longer treat marriage any differently than the culture—blindly accepting cohabitation as the “new normal”—they have lost their way—and their influence. They especially damage their credibility with rising generations of young Christians and other people of faith. Children still look to adults and institutions for guidance, and when those adults and institutions silently concede their rightful leadership, our children will do the same.

It is time for those of us who believe in the sanctity of marriage to no longer sit on the sidelines while our children learn about marriage from the Kardashians or “The Bachelor.” Instead, we must emphasize the beauty and sanctity of marriage; why it is spiritually, emotionally, and physically beneficial to not cohabit with someone of the opposite sex; and why waiting will be ultimately to their benefit.

With this vision of marriage prioritized in our churches, we can once again not only have stable families but also a church possessing the moral authority to be a clear and convincing voice reestablishing a flourishing society and the dignity of love.

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